2005-01-11 16:48:27 ET

I think Dumpster diving and Urinal mint flipping should be considered olympic sports. Same goes for lawn darts,tiddly-winks, and trashcan bowling.

2005-01-11 17:01:10 ET

i think jogging naked around the block in freezing cold weather while playing truth or dare should be an olympic sport.

2005-01-11 17:08:40 ET

What about dog drag racing? You know....Your family comes over for dinner, and after dinner, you all have coffee in the living room or something. And dear Fido decides to go for the beans, then tops it off, by scuttling his bottom across the carpet. Dog drag racing should be a sport:P

2005-01-11 17:13:47 ET

oh yeah ... that should be. i think our dog would win. she's really good at that ...

2005-01-11 17:14:30 ET

or how about when you put a piece tape on the bottom of a cat's paw ... that should be an olympic sport too.

so should belching and farting ... for humans that is.

2005-01-11 17:40:59 ET

not tape, that's weak. actually getting tin-foil booties onto all four of a cat's legs should be olympics-worthy.

2005-01-12 00:23:41 ET

True Angel...Try this.Four small pieces of vinyl, with little rubber bands around each square. Kitty boxing gloves. Actually, we used small sections of towels like that, so we could give them baths. Whistles to self....I do like animals!

2005-01-12 00:24:57 ET

Here's a sport! Kangaroo donkey punching. Ice pack not included:P

2005-01-12 00:26:06 ET

dude, did you see that insomniac in tijuana with the cocks wearing boxing gloves?!? too cute!

2005-01-12 01:40:31 ET

that was cute ....

ok, see i could put things like that on my kittys paws because she really really really trusts me ... for some strange reason.

so it would be much olympic worthy fun for me.

2005-01-12 01:49:12 ET

mine trusts no one, but she does adore me.

2005-01-12 09:57:57 ET

mine hates me right now because she got spayed yesterday.

but normally, she's very trusting of me.

2005-01-12 14:37:03 ET

My cat is part Maincoon, so he gets really fluffy! So I bought, those animal clippers from Wallymart. To my amazement, the cat just sat there and purred while I shaved him....He's a freak:)

2005-01-12 14:37:07 ET

they kinda get that way about stuff after the operation...she might get over it

olympic sport: programing your VCR without instructions.

2005-01-12 14:50:17 ET

Here are some things that didn't quite make it to the olympics:

Vehicular projectile vomitting~This is based on consistency and distance spewed, times the number of onlookers who wretch with you.

Drive thru frontal lobotomy~This is done in drive thru fashion.Points are give on technique, quickness,and if the said person remembers why they are there!

Sock Monkey mutilation~Number of sock monkeys put out of their misery..nuff said.

2005-01-12 14:53:20 ET

Masterbation events:
largest puddle
Most times
longest time.

then it'd essentially be the porno olympics;)

Peeing for distance.

2005-01-12 14:58:36 ET

or girls: squirting for distance and aim.

2005-01-12 15:03:11 ET

writing your name in the snow (this i can do)

and masturbation events left off:

longest distance a guy can shoot
highest distance a guy can shoot (i had a guy hit the ceiling while lying on my floor)

2005-01-12 17:33:54 ET

and more events.....

Gerbil racing~claws and squeels get extra points.

Teabagging for tulips~This takes event takes place in the Netherlands. Goal~testie tag tulips in a certain time frame, without upsetting the bees.

Armpit echo~ In the Alps. See who can make the fartiest, runny noises, while not causing an avalanche.

2005-01-12 17:34:46 ET

Hey Klemmy. Wasn't that on an episode of real sex? Took place in the far east I think?

2005-01-12 18:05:50 ET

i like the teabagging for tulips one

2005-01-13 11:14:30 ET

it might have. i dont think i've ever seen real sex...

2005-01-13 18:14:05 ET

garden gnome bowling. ;)

2005-01-14 12:33:29 ET

Nice choice of sports Winter:)

2005-01-14 14:28:25 ET

I try. ;)

2005-01-14 15:18:06 ET

that's the summer version . . . in winter, it's baby jesus bowling.

2005-01-14 15:18:29 ET


2005-01-14 15:55:18 ET

Festive things include...

How far a person, can shove St. Nick up a chimney.

Elf tossing(*Points are calculated by distance, bruises, blood splatter, and onlookers whacked via accidents.)

Saying, "Black Pete.", in the mirror 5 times.

Open season reindeer hunting(* More points are awarded, for kills during liftoff and landings.50 bonus points for any seasonal character riding the said reindeer.)

Snowman taunting...nuff said....

2005-01-14 17:01:40 ET

*dies laughing*

2005-01-15 00:32:25 ET

At work I spew out all sorts of weird things. And people ask where I come up with this stuff.....*Shrugs......Maybe it's the coffee?

2005-01-15 01:20:01 ET

pumkin chuncking.

2005-01-15 02:25:40 ET

pumpkin baseball is way fun. they don't fly very far (other than those little hard ones), but they make a very satisfying *thwack*!

2005-01-15 02:37:04 ET

i was thinking instead of shotput with a steel ball, a nice sized pumpkin.

2005-01-15 06:34:18 ET

overripe plums shot with a slingshot. Enough said.

2005-01-15 07:32:04 ET

baseball using tomatos.

2005-01-15 08:05:36 ET

How about bowling with watermellons? Or drive byes with dead rats!

2005-01-15 08:11:49 ET

you should try a drive by with jello. that's always a fun one.

2005-01-15 09:54:44 ET

mm. I'd be more partial to the jello drive-by than the rats. Seems disrespectful to the poor rats to fling them unceremoniously through the air at passersby like that.

2005-01-15 17:56:44 ET

But think. Whatif they were plauged rats? The possibilities:P

2005-01-15 18:57:46 ET

You make a good argument, sir.
I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

2005-01-15 19:38:22 ET

Each news letter comes with a years supply of the following

1)Coffee(regular not diet)
2)A sharpie marker, pen, and draw on the pictures in the articles.
3)A lock of my hair in case you want to curse me, cause you hate the paper.

2005-01-15 19:41:40 ET

I'm in need of a new sharpie or three...

2005-01-15 19:43:49 ET

Ha ha ha ha ha.....I carry one at work all the time, sometimes I will randomly tag a destitute fridge or oven, will some raunchy cartoon:P

2005-01-15 19:49:18 ET

raunchy is good.
Traumatic is better.

2005-01-15 20:15:38 ET

No cookies for you:Pj/k

2005-01-15 20:19:41 ET

I don't like cookies anyway.


2005-01-15 20:27:55 ET

How about animal crackers? They rock.....

2005-01-15 20:38:32 ET

Yes, they do.
They're full of animal deliciousness.

2005-01-15 21:03:41 ET

Yuppers!That they are:)

2005-01-16 03:57:50 ET

ah the rauchy cartoons of Skav, forever etched on the back of miss maple's old Sears oven and jimmy joe bob's fridgeair frigde. someone will tear into the junkyard, steal them and make exhibts of them saying they are you...wait that's not a bad idea....where in FL again are you ;)

2005-01-16 04:20:02 ET

The newsletter comes with coffee?


2005-01-16 05:26:56 ET

I live approximately between hell and bfe. Just to the left of the whino urinating on the Pintos left hand side door.Then you make a quick right.See that brick wall in front of you? Go ahead and scale that puppy, becarful of the rabid possum on the other side(*Note to reader:Rabid possums tend to be leg humpers! So let the poor fellas finish!). After he's dealt with, proceed Northwest for 600 paces....Sucker! Forgot to warn you about, the ceramic Elvis statue with flocked hair. Oppps! I got a bastard point for that.Tune in tommorrow for part two, of instructions to Skav's house....

2005-01-16 05:30:03 ET

Ha. I have better instructions from Az. So there.

2005-01-16 05:38:33 ET

Well if they are more descriptive .And are approved by the RKWA(*Roadkill Watchers Association)~Special recipes this month include:"10ways to gumbo skunk." and "Wombats. The other white meat."Then by all means post them for us. Gets out a crayon and napkins :P

2005-01-16 06:23:06 ET

No, I don't want to share. And I like crayons and napkins ... they're great fun!

2005-01-16 08:46:28 ET

Gumbo skunk, hmm? That just might be a recipe to add to either this book or its sequel.

For those days when you really want possum pie, 'naner punch, and/or hot dog water soup.

2005-01-16 13:25:04 ET

i like skunk smell. my mother ate opossum and assorted other rodentia-types when she lived in buffalo, ny.

2005-01-16 13:31:35 ET

When I was younger my grand parentsmade me eat all sorts of stuff like....Ox tail soup, pickled pigs feet and fatback and gravy(dried animal skin)...So now, I don't really have the taste for exotic food!

2005-01-16 13:40:47 ET

that's not exotic food. that's pretty normal in some areas of the country. i've eaten dog. and yes, it does taste good.

2005-01-16 13:43:00 ET

I had a homeless friend who ate cat food, and liked Sheeba the best, he said the duck tasted like duck. Not to mention that he ate the occasional roasted kitty too!

2005-01-16 13:57:12 ET

Skav- sounds like a lot of the same stuff my family tried to feed me.

(the pigs feet and oxtail soup- not roasted cat)

2005-01-16 14:00:24 ET

That's why ketchup is God!

2005-01-16 14:03:51 ET

ick! catsup = nasty!

duck does taste like duck; that's why its so goooood. and personally, i like dry friskies the best. :p

2005-01-16 14:04:40 ET

Ketchup is nasty.. unless it's on veggie burgers. So there.

2005-01-16 14:07:02 ET

HA HA HA HA HA.....What about horsie radish? Or Grey Poupon:P

2005-01-16 14:08:43 ET

Well, horseradish would be great, except that I'm ALLERGIC to radishes, so unless I want to be projectile vomiting, fainting, and/or hallucinating, it's best not to.

Grey poupon is lovely.
As is most mustard.

2005-01-16 14:09:59 ET

ick horseradish is nasty.

and hartz dog biscuits taste pretty good. only they don't make them anymore. not the kind i'm talking about.

duck is yummy. goose is better. tastes even better when you shoot it out of the sky yourself. same with fish, tastes better when you catch it yourself.

and mustard is nasty because it's the seed of death. therefore, no one should eat it.

2005-01-16 14:10:44 ET

Mustard is great for septic wounds too! That's what my last fortune cookie said!

2005-01-16 14:12:41 ET

It certainly clears the sinuses, that's for damned sure.

2005-01-16 14:18:08 ET

True Winter!And also kills the flavour of bad bad food!

2005-01-16 14:23:58 ET

And how.

2005-01-16 15:08:18 ET

mustard is a natural emetic and can save lives. and save people from terminal hangovers.

i <3 mustard.

2005-01-16 15:18:04 ET

*builds a small altar to mustard in the corner of her apt*

2005-01-16 17:16:27 ET

Now relish this thought....ha ha ha ha ha......

2005-01-16 18:37:59 ET

oh, ha ha.
VERY amusing.

2005-01-16 18:42:18 ET

If you laughed. The comment did it's job well:)

2005-01-16 18:42:59 ET

I smirked, if that counts.

2005-01-16 18:44:54 ET

WooHooooooo:) A smirk is halfway there.

2005-01-16 18:46:21 ET

even if it's a wry smirk?

2005-01-16 18:48:57 ET

Even a wry smirk....or a nervous smirk!

2005-01-16 19:14:54 ET

Nervous? pfeh.
Just wry. ;)

2005-01-16 19:27:08 ET

silly wabbit:P

2005-01-17 05:40:48 ET


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