2010-04-29 20:41:25 ET|
In this dark city, the city of Los Angeles, I've fallen into love and despair. I've fallen in love with my friend.Her beauty, mind, and her very essence draw me to her like a moth to the flame in this dark place.I can not tell her how I feel though, because if I do she shall scorn me and leave me alone in this darkness, this is what I fear the most.To be left alone here is to die,for loneliness can wither even the strongest of minds.Each day and every night I think of her,I dream of her and the time that we've spent together.She doesn't have these feelings for me,this I know.I can withstand the physical pain but the pain of being without her cuts me so deep it feels as if I shall fall into the abyss at any moment.
This is how I feel tonight,hopefully I can find a way thru it all.
I've found It.Finally at last I've found It. It has eluded me for so long and now It is mine.The joy of having It is amazing I only hope that It is compatiable with the Other.If It isn't then all is lost and I must start the search anew.
Also it feels as if my mind has begun to elude me as well.I've found myself floundering in thought like a fish upon the land.I worry about this,my mind was always my strongest part of me.Who knows maybe as I lose it I shall gain another skill or something else just as powerful.I can only hope.
This night has been long but I have returned to my beloved home here in the city of fallen angels.In the dark I reside,the blue light of the screen infront of me the onyl illumination here.Old music plays in the background,pleasant but full of pain and sadness.The clock says it's half past ten but it feels so much later.Odd images float thru my mind,I wonder if paper will be able to hold them.My mind grows restless with them,they are fighting to be free,fighting to wander into the darkness of my dwelling.Perhaps I shall let them,perhaps I shall let them enter this darkness and become consumed and twisted even more,like everything else that enters here.