bored and home alone    2003-11-21 15:40:45 ET
why does life have to have so much drama. I'm pissed and alone and online. Hmmm just like old times *laughs* I don't have no one really to talk to so I shall just rant about my situtation to myself. Atleast this way I get release. I have been with this awesome guy for 13 yrs. The only man I have ever known. I married him at 14 and have 3 kids and we share so many things. Till 3 yrs ago we had problems he left me for hmmm a week for another ummm screw I suppose. SO much more to this story. Which really has put my life in a bind. See I have only slept with Shane (hubby) never had another boyfriend and out of 10 yrs being faithful we hit hard times and well he strayed, So I forgiven but I havent forgotten and I beat myself up daily thinking I am not good enough, pretty enough for him. I am not like her the one night stand. The mid life crisis he so called had. What the fuck about me? Sometimes I think I should just fuck some other guy to get revenge. Then I think I am pretty dayum proud to only have slept with the father of my kids.

so tonight he wants to go out and yeah I have the same question? Is SHE gonna be there? yadda yadda we argue fight he leaves, I cry. He comes home, we make up what ever and then the next night he or I want to leave we have fucking drama. I hate him sometime with my soul for fucking me over but that taste of love I have for him holds me. I love him with parts of me that wishes I didnt but I was part to blame as well. So this holds me. I just want to feel pretty to feel like I am special. To have no fucking drama. I just want to talk to someone who can relate to me. I just want so much dont I?

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