2005-11-27 15:30:12 ET|
Well, so. Walnuts suck, evil little tree-growing bastards that they are. Three days later, I'm still coughing, and I spent last night trying not to choke. Feeling your brain swimming in CO2 fumes is totally and completely wonky. You start feeling woozy, and dizzy, and kind of...odd.
(I have to say that I don't understand auto-erotic asphyxiation whatsoever at this point, though I'm told it's "good fun.")
To be honest, I'm not sure how things would have gone last night if it hadn't been for one thing: I had my cemetary angel by my side. He sat up watching me, holding me, and making sure I was breathing well. I can't remember a lot of it--I was in and out of dreams so much that I'm not sure how often I was actually there, but I know that my stupid mouth ran on its own power at least once.
I am so very blessed,not only with my health, but also with my love. He put himself before me, despite my protests...he stayed all night, even though he had to work this morning, and even called to check up on me today. I have never felt so loved in all my life as I do when I'm with him.
It's so weird, because I am SO not a commitment person. My last relationship before this had to go on for 4 months before I would even refer to him as a boyfriend. This one, though...I've jumped in, feet first, expecting to get burned.
I have always been "right" in my relationships, and been miserable. In this one, I am continually humbled, continually learning, always apologizing, and most of all: ALWAYS wrong.
And I couldn't be happier.