How To Be A Canadian (even if you already are one)
2003-12-14 16:59:03 ET

So I found this book in a pile of my books. It's quite funny. Here's an excerpt:

Multicultural chaos is the single most exhilarating aspect of being Canadian. You know how "fusion cuisine" takes perfectly good food from different cultures (say, Italian ice-cream and Guatemalan chilies) and then mashes it together to create a new cuisine that is, in direct contradiction to Gestalt theory, decidedly less than the sum of its parts? Well, the Canadian notion of postmodern identity is pure fusion. So mix and match as much as you like. The less consistent, the better. Wear your sombrero as a yarmulka. Wear combat boots and fatigues to demonstrate your militantly held pacifist beliefs. Join an anarchist club! (As long as you conform to the established anarchist dress code.) Don your Doc Martins while attending an elegant cocktail soiree to raise money for the homeless: "Doc Martinis for everyone!". Welcome to the brave new postmodern world.
And no, it isn't silly. It's Canadian.
Of course, you may decide to poo-poo the entire po-mo muu-muu. Postmodern eclecticism in Canada is, after all, much like UFOs or worthwhile federal initiatives. You hear a lot about them, but you never actually see one firsthand. Real Canadians dress like, well, like Canadians.

-W. Ferguson & I. Ferguson, How To Be A Canadian, 2001, Douglas & McIntyre, pg. 26

The rest of the book is even better, and at times gut-bustingly funny. I recommend it to anyone who's not Canadian. And I especially recommend it to Canadians.

2003-12-14 17:18:04 ET

I'm sold!

2003-12-15 03:54:17 ET

There's a great bit on getting dressed for winter. I cried laughing when I read it.
And there are nifty bits on each province and some of the major cities.
The chapter on sex is brilliant.
A very rewarding read.

2003-12-15 05:40:55 ET

I will certainly look for it when I'm in Chapters later this week.

2003-12-15 08:03:40 ET

It'll be in the comedy section. the cover is of a donut on a plate with full-course dinner cutlery set. By Will and Ian Ferguson. $20, I think.

2003-12-15 08:17:03 ET


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