2009-02-12 22:02:41 ET

panda sandwich and i are swingers so come swing our way. have a good time. bring the whole family.

2009-02-12 23:09:56 ET

swingers rule number one, the children can never know!

2009-02-13 07:36:43 ET

why would i do that when i can just go to a local basement and live it up with sexy swingin' singles?

2009-02-13 10:14:55 ET

why are you both such god-damned downers?

2009-02-13 10:16:27 ET

because we're worried about you.

2009-03-30 06:11:55 ET

Worry about this:

Every day a child's mother dies without giving her soul to the Lord and Savior, Jesus, the Jeez, Christ. That means she goes to HELL.

2009-04-01 21:34:52 ET

subsume's faceless avatar looks like that of an angel so i am in love with her and am interested sexully

2009-04-03 11:13:35 ET

well duh

2009-04-05 03:49:13 ET

well i'm drunk and you're drunk so why aren't we fucking?

2009-04-05 06:36:46 ET

wanna cyber? cutesexykittengurrl is my screen name.


2009-04-06 23:44:37 ET

you're a trap set by the government to bring me down. i just want some good ol fashioned free love, buddy.

2009-04-07 03:52:12 ET

old fashioned love comes at a price.

feed me a stray kitten.

2009-04-07 12:34:36 ET

that's not a price, that's a benefit and an aphrodisiac.

2009-04-07 15:11:05 ET


2009-04-08 11:35:16 ET

you got netflix, i got netflix, let's fuck.

2009-04-08 11:38:45 ET

only if you have insightful dramas on your queue that we can have intellectual discourse about over four bottles of hennessey after said fucking.

2009-04-08 11:39:12 ET

also, will you get orange all over my face and body?

2009-04-08 19:29:24 ET

my queue is so intellectually stimulating that instead of me rating each movie with stars afterwards, netflix actually speaks to me in raw unprocessed code and i answer with a series of clicks that only it can understand, detailing exactly what the movie meant and how it will impact society in the long run. it sounds a lot like jurassic dragonflies fighting over food.

as for my advanced orange pigment, it is actually the self-perpetuating nano-machines that power my major cerebral functions. which are mostly fucking and rating netflix movies.
it will rub off all over you. there's no way to avoid this. except, of course, by fucking in the shower. though i'm not sure why you wouldn't want nano-machines of your own.

2009-04-09 05:38:27 ET

what if i'm allergic?

2009-04-09 16:07:18 ET

i'm hypoallergenic so quit conjuring excuses and climb aboard we're settin sail

2009-04-10 05:14:28 ET

i just don't normally do this kind of stuff with moonicorns.

2009-04-11 02:24:18 ET

Well it's not like i normally do this with humans seeing as i have a universal reputation to uphold but it it's time to expand our horizons and live a little. and fuck a lot. so quit the dillying and the dallying and get to fucking.

2009-04-12 09:16:58 ET

deal. your place or mine?

2009-04-14 04:44:36 ET

your place and then your place and then your place and then the bench on the way to my place and then my place and then my place and then my place and then we realize i don't live at the park behind the bench and then my place for real and then my place for real and then my place for real and then my place for real and then my place for real and then the bench again and then the park, except knowing that it is the park this time and then the park and then the park and then your place and then your place and then the bench and then cycle cycle cycle cycle fall apart for awhile with the occasional your place/ my place your place/my place combo and then we never see each other again

2009-04-14 07:27:14 ET

oh yum.

i'm going to need several stool samples and for you to waive the rights to an illicit, tell-all memoir.

2009-04-14 08:35:23 ET

well, seeing as moonicorns are the most efficient creature to ever grace the universe with our presence, nothing goes to waste and there is no byproduct of any sort after digestion. as for the memoir, done. i don't need your millions and millions made from it. just millions and millions of sex.

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