*eep*    2003-01-10 04:05:23 ET
Got in, 35 post replies. *sigh* . Anyway, I skimmed through em', sorry everybody for not being as talkative as usual, I'm just lazy, and not in the mood.

Goin to Haifa tonight, to a party at the City Hall.

Gonna meet my girl.

Well, she's not my girl yet, but I'm gonna try. *anxiety*

Anyway, time to wake up. It's bloody 4 o'clock in the afternoon.

:: Listening to: Theatre of Tragedy - Machine (VNV Mix) ::


 This fuckin rawks.    2003-01-09 11:37:43 ET
I've already listened, loved, and reported about the tracks freely available to download from Observe & Control's site.
I heard some great music, great lyrics, and definite potential.

Now I've finally downloaded the rest of the tracks off Soulseek, and all I can say is w0W.

Lemme break it down..

Intro+Silence - The Intro is great.. Eerie. mixes well into Silence, which starts very upbeat. Great vocals on this track, and with slight mixing can easily become the next dancefloor hit by O&C. The chorus has an interesting sort of eighties-ambient-avantgarde electronic organ melody.. I donno, I like it. Oh, and let us not forget the sample from McGoohan's The Prisoner at end ;)

Lady Disdain - Dark, slow, and depressing. I think that's the idea, though. Reminded me of an old Star Control 2 .MOD music... Actually, this isn't the only song which reminded me of old Kosmic Music Foundation analog tracks. Boy, those were the days. *sigh* I'm so old.

Politea - Where the hell are the lyrics for this song? It rules! Slowly building rhythm (and nice hymm-strings action in the background), but when it does reach a peak, it works. Especially the second time round. Gotta love those Industrial-static-filled samples. The vocals are kinda rough, and slightly too much reverb (I think? Oh, and they could use more emphasis [i.e. volume] at the chorus - -or maybe bring the bass up), but definately a keeper. This one is begging for a club mix, too.

Defeat Me - This song has the best begining. Great buildup, but what I like the most are the lyrics and Tom's singing. A truly beautiful, sweet-sorrow type song. (Yeah, I'm a sucker for goth-emo skumm). I'm thinking the vocals could've been left natural, this song is too emo for the roughness of the vocals (and those clapping samples by the end belong in the club mix ;)). I love this.

Finding Time to Kill your Ant - This song seems out of place. Depressing requiem-type thing.

Creatures - We love the beat. Makes our heads move side-to-side involuntarily (is that a word?), I can't tell on my crumby speakers if there are stereo side-to-side effects, but if there aren't, then there should be. My favourite lyrics yet:

lead me through the drought
leave behind all misery and doubt
I will not resist
I will not refuse this great bliss

This one is going on my next car-cd-compilation. Tom singing on the chorus has interesting challenges, very well performed.

Gazes - Takes a while till it grew on me. An interesting beat, though the track as whole seems like it needs some more refining. The chorus has some nice industrial samples used, though with the rough voice it starts sounding too noisy. This is definately a direction to explore, but better performed on Utopia.

DarkAngel - The song starts with a guitar riff. Yay! Guitars! If the success of Purges is any measure, Guitar+Beat=goot. Definately a direction to continue exploring. DarkAngel is more of an ambient mood song. Makes you move your head slowly, trip-hop style. A nice variation on the impulse-beats of some of the other tracks. I like it. The ending is kinda weird though, breakdown.

Pesh - :) Guitars again! This time with a beat, too! Tom gives a shot at singing in Hebrew. Unfortunately the lyrics (from what I can gather) aren't errr, up to standards. :) A shame, because the music has potential, (though it's very short and undeveloped - sounds like it was just something he came up with as he went along) and just because it's Hebrew is no reason to slack off the otherwise-beautiful lyrics.

That's all folks, I can't wait for em' to get signed on a label. This is an album I want to buy.

:: Listening to: Observe and Control - Introspective ::


 Uhh. Stuff.    2003-01-08 02:38:10 ET
I had a weird dream last night.

Oh, wait, I slept some. w00t.

Anyway, I dreamed about mutant rabbits wth a cow's leg growing out of their back. You've got to wonder what that means.

I'm thinking something good ::deranged::

The interesting thing is that sometimes they were real, and sometimes they were like in a cartoon.

I'm not exactly sure what they were doing or the narrative at all, I just remember these... bunnies.

Ho, hum, back to work.

:: Listening to: Hocico - Final Resource (Therapy version) ::

 Okay, time to update.    2003-01-06 01:37:05 ET
So, what's been going on?

I haven't the will to digress, but on Friday I met a girl. The girl I spoke to on New Years Eve.

No, it isn't the girl I kissed, or the girl I spoke of on my last post.

It's always like that. I keep thinking it's only in my twisted brain, but the angels of love are not lacking in irony, it seems. It's either you live in a barren wasteland, or a thick rainforest. Too many options make my tummy go all wrong, and no options make me sad, too.

But I think I like her. I was all nervous-anxious-shy-self-conscious Shay when we spoke, and I practically ran away every chance I could, but there was no denying the electricity in the air between us. I was mummbling bullshit as usual. I hate chitchat. I spoke about this with my mate Ariel yesterday (who as God is my witness, will be an sk.net member by the end of the week), and we were both like "Fuck, why can't we first have sex, and then get to know eachother?"

Sex is the best icebreaker. I feel so.. Shy... Avoidant when I'm with a girl, before we have sex. It's like, it's all a big test or something. Like I'm not sure if she likes me yet.
After sex, you can have the most comfortable talks, none of that dating-game babble. I'm so bad at that. *thinking of blank air in midst conversation makes me want to escape*.
I hate wearing masks. I generally don't feel comfortable with a girl untill we've slept together. I don't why, it's just how I am, I guess.

UGH. Anyway, so I spoke with her (briefly) yesterday and stuff. Seems I'll be going to the City Hall in Haifa this friday (she lives in Haifa) ;)

Now, what do I do with this other girl who insisted I give her a ring? I don't think I can do the polygmy thing. I don't think I want to, even if I could manage it (and I think it would make me sick to my stomach - - I have too much anxiety in my life as it is, and I think it sort of clashes with my morals [yeah, those]).

Hmm. I'm going with the Haifa girl, definately. I have a stronger feeling from her that she really wants me (obviously a bad judge of character on her part). It's been so long since someone actually wanted me..

Anyway, besides all that soap opera crap, things are starting to feel brighter.
No, I haven't been sleeping or anything, but I spent a few hours with Ariel yesterday, and we talked a lot. I really missed him, and I feel like we've both made some progress. New Years Resoloutions. yeah. Live more in the Now. Stop living in the future (or the past). Be a little more spontanious. Do things that are good for ME, my person. Sign up for art classes. Maybe go to the gym a bit too, or at least work out at home some more. Play my bass guitar some more. Find the things that do good by ME, and put some effort in it. Don't live for other people. Self-promotion, and self-development are te key issues right now. So yeah, we've finished school, finished the army, got a job, and now we have to find something that will make us whole persons again. Fill ourselves with content, purpose, meaning, goals, achievements, aspirations. Get to know who we are, now, as adults.

I'm mumbling again.

:: Listening to BlutEngel - Seelenschmerz ::

 *sigh*    2003-01-02 14:08:23 ET
Long day.

After work (yeah. "work".) I went ot my sister's place in Yaffo. She's such a loony. I called to ask for directions and she got so stressed out from anxiety sshe jsut told me to wait and got in the car and drove to meet me. She was going through PMS hell or something and was screaming like a madwoman. :) So I came over jsut to drop by and stuff, and to fix her cd burner (I turn into computer mr. fixit when need be). Then we had some food. Sittin on the floor with a low table like in a Japanese restaurant, eating rice n' stuff.

Anyways, so later I went back to Tel Aviv, to this army shindig I was invited too. It never ceases to amaze me that I keep getting invited to these things. Anyway, this girl I know from my unit had a birthday, and she just discharged a week ago or so, and so everybody came and did a little party thingie for her.
Interestingly enough, I think she might be interested in me. Very weird, because I realllly don't think we'd match (and I don't even think I'm her type, relying on past boyfriends as comparison). I dunno. Maybe she just wants to... stay in touch?
Very weird, since I don't think we were ever "in touch". We weren't very close, I hardly worked with her, and I didn't even really like her that much.

Did I mention though that she's one foxy lady? Hmmm..

Anyway, when I left she gave me this huge hug, and sort of begged that I stay in touch (she reminded me I once told her I'd burn her some electronic music cd - - She's a Depeche Mode fan, but doesn't know much else in the world of synthpop, I let her listen to Covenant once, and she really liked it).
Last time I saw her she gave me her phone number, and begged I stay in touch, too..


Maybe I should?
I mean, I really don't see anything serious coming out of it, but, fuck, it's not like I've got anything better going on?
I need sex.

*scheming* *plotting* *coniving*

Well, anyways, time to go to bed. Tomorrow I wake up for heir doktor's appointment. I wanna sleep liek a normal Earthling again.

:: Listening to: amduscia - seeing you pray ::

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