Down, not a
2002-12-31 02:52:38 ET


At work.

Fuckin' around.


Tonight: New Years Eve special at the regular ol' damn place with 80s Synthpop EBM Industrial Metal and Britpop. yippie-ka-yay.

Can you tell I'm looking forward to tonight?

Happy fucking New Year. Good riddance, 2002.

On other news, my mother wants to "talk" to me. If you've been following, you guys should know I haven't been sleeping well. A month and a half, is enough time for me to decide it's not just gonna go away. Something is wrong. So I asked her to set me an appointment for heir doktor this friday. See what's wrong with my head-meat. Maybe I'll go to a shrink (heh, and I thought I'd be the only kid in my family who didn't go to therapy - How wrong I was!). In the meantime she wants to 'talk' to see what's bothering me.

Thing is, I don't know what's bothering me either.

A lot of things, but nothing really. I don't know. Everything from the state of the planet, my non-existant and fairly cynical love life, the fact that I'm not a kid anymore, my job, my unsure future [or: what/when do I want to start studying], ad infinitum.

Could this be what's waking me up 2 and a half hours before the alarm?

I don't know.

Maybe I've still not gotten used to sleeping on my back. I used to sleep on my left side, but now it's all pierced, and I can't... Then again, it only strted a whle after I got my piercing (I think)... And anyway, why would that wake me up after 3-4 horus sleep?

This is fucking me up, I can feel it.
I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a...fraid.

*goes to doodle some more me-in-moose-suit and spaceships*

:: Listening to: Covenant - Dead Stars [live]::

2002-12-31 02:59:48 ET

*pats your headmeats* You know who could heal the insomnia?

2002-12-31 03:04:39 ET


2002-12-31 03:08:20 ET


2002-12-31 03:09:50 ET

lol. I was thinking more in the lines of teddybear / female counterpart.

2002-12-31 03:11:29 ET

those come 2nd and 3rd

2002-12-31 03:12:50 ET

hmmm...hope stuff works out for you man <hugs>

huzzah for moose suits!!! :-D

2002-12-31 03:15:20 ET

Yeah, it's really starting to bug me. I mean, I'm used to 14+ hours sleep... How come I'm sleeping 3-4 hours?? that's totally not-like-me. I dunno. Maybe my Tyler Durdan has gone sleeping.

huzzah=hooray? :)

2002-12-31 03:18:00 ET

yes...well hooray or hoorah or something like

2002-12-31 03:19:36 ET


2002-12-31 03:21:25 ET

haha. get you a big breasted nurse then.

2002-12-31 03:21:32 ET

ive got the joy joy joy joy down in my pants.

2002-12-31 03:22:02 ET


2002-12-31 03:23:58 ET

boobies are cool!

2002-12-31 03:25:34 ET

I never understood why they are so cool

2002-12-31 03:26:38 ET

youd probably have to be a heterosexual guy....its just something with how guys are wired that i cant explain...and i mean im sure theres something you find attractive in guys that would make no sense to us! so ha.

2002-12-31 03:26:40 ET

They just... Are. Damnit, don't question the ways of the world young one!!

2002-12-31 03:27:35 ET

lol yeah. like guy's backs. o_O

boobies are pretty sometimes, but i just dont get it

2002-12-31 03:29:12 ET

well they're squeezable, they look nice, they have many uses........

2002-12-31 03:29:47 ET

they can give some mean black eyes

2002-12-31 03:29:51 ET

it's like... they're there. That's all there is to it. Now cease this line of questioning child. Don't make me send my cronies on you.

2002-12-31 03:30:36 ET

feck you, I wear the leather pants in this relationship.

2002-12-31 03:31:10 ET

...this is true.

2002-12-31 03:31:37 ET

hey! leather is better than pants! d-:

2002-12-31 03:32:15 ET


2002-12-31 03:32:54 ET


*jumpin up and down to the sound of SINA - Scream*

2002-12-31 03:33:38 ET

*shrieks and hides in.. pants*

2002-12-31 03:34:09 ET

lolness! come out come out wherever you are!

2002-12-31 03:35:05 ET

*no movement from pants.. then comes a giant sneeze*

2002-12-31 03:36:10 ET

"they're in the walls *shots fired* *Morpheus sacrifices himself* *Agent Smith ass-kickin procedes*

2002-12-31 03:36:19 ET

<evangelist-esque voice>
bless you child.

2002-12-31 03:41:38 ET

mm matrixy action, who woulda thunk hiding in pants could make such a great movie

2002-12-31 03:43:35 ET

shyeah. *does some real expensive contempo-action film bullet-dodging sequence*

2002-12-31 03:45:46 ET

<farts> i give it a 6.5

2002-12-31 03:47:07 ET

24 cameras and you give it a 6.5..? meanie.

2002-12-31 03:48:08 ET

you should've used a stunt double, my friend ;-)

2002-12-31 03:50:48 ET

bloody hell.

2002-12-31 03:51:53 ET

oh its alright...all is not can always fix it in the sequel! ;-)

2002-12-31 03:52:50 ET

and prequal. ;)

2002-12-31 03:55:57 ET


2002-12-31 04:24:13 ET

I've had sleeping problems my entire life, and I had to go through behavioral therapy to correct them, along with thake some lame fucing SSRIs and shit, but nevermind that...
Allof those things you are describing are probabley exactly why you are having sleeping porblems. Stress is the single BIGGEST thron in the side of every living human being; it effects everything. My problem is I have very little ability to shut my brain off, I get really worked up about obligations I have or worries on my mind, and I get really irrational fears plaguing me in the late hours. It's taken me YEARSSSS to get a hold of things to the point where now I sleep fairly normally. But my porblem has been life-long, and yours sounds like it's been fairly recent. My advice to you is try and find an activity to enjoy that involves relaxation, like meditation. It sounds corney, but relaxation IS KEY. Therapy will help to a degree, but your worries sound very familiar to me and I think that a relaxing activity will help. ALSO---and this has helped me an innumerable amount of times when I couldn't calm down and fall asleep or get back to sleep---BREATHING. And I don't mean normal breathing, but deep, controled, elongated breaths while making sure your face is relaxed (i.e. make sure your tounge isn't being pushed up agianst the top of your mouth; just rest it behind your lower teeth). It's also good to breath in through your nose and out through your mouth while keeping your mouth open the whole time. It may all sound like lame ass nonsense but I TELL YOU; the shit works. Good luck my brutha.

2002-12-31 06:27:12 ET

Thanks sis, but see, thing is, I'm not even sure its stress related - - and I'll tell ya why - -I recognize the type of insomnia I get from stress. All hyped up and a billion thoughts rushing through my mind don't let me fall asleep - - - but this is different. I do fall asleep. I WAKE UP early. This is what's so very weird. And not at all typical of me, even when I'm stressed... And I don't even think I'm exceptionally stressed lately. Fuck, I've had way more stressful periods in my life.. I was in the army for 3 years for crying out loud.

This is so fucked, I think I'm going mental.

2002-12-31 06:31:27 ET

Well, I'm here to talk to if you need to talk to an anonymous sort-of person :)

2002-12-31 06:35:22 ET

Aww... Thanks love. I appreciate it. I'm finishing work here in half an hour, then I'm heading home... got to get ready for dem New Years festivities. Hope no bombs'll go off tonight (fun living in Israel, yes?) ... But I'll be sure to bug you sometime on IM/ICQ/MSN/Whatever-you've-got-I've-got-it-too.

2002-12-31 06:50:14 ET

You best be doin' that shit :) Take care of yourself out there; don't get missle-ed or bomb-ed or any of the shitty shit.

Hey, by the way, my IM is xanthochroid10...I don't have any of those other nerd-vehicles :)

2002-12-31 10:59:10 ET

I come back and read this early-morning's insanity and am quite.. boggled

2002-12-31 19:19:10 ET

as you should be.

just as long as you're not BOOBLED

2002-12-31 21:25:11 ET

that wasnt really funny

2002-12-31 23:02:39 ET

...of course it wasnt...did i SAY it was funny? >_<

2002-12-31 23:31:40 ET

I didn't know we had to announce it.


Big Shproingle!!!


2002-12-31 23:39:20 ET


2002-12-31 23:52:07 ET

lmao that got a "huh huh" kinda laugh from me

2002-12-31 23:56:48 ET

well GOOD!

even though i don't believe THAT was supposed to be funny EITHER miss FUNNY PANTS!!!!!!!

2002-12-31 23:57:34 ET

You don't even know the meaning of funny, masta

2003-01-01 00:01:57 ET

did you just call me master?

2003-01-01 10:41:42 ET

no, masta, there's a definite difference

2003-01-01 11:03:48 ET


2003-01-01 11:18:17 ET

There's a HUGE difference between masta and master

2003-01-01 11:29:17 ET

uhm... which is..?

2003-01-01 11:31:47 ET

First and most obvious - the a and the er.
Second - masta happen to be just a TERM like "heeeeeey.. you da masta blasta", ya know, kind of a friendly cheeky sort of thing. and MASTER is like ohhhhhhh, would you like me to lick you and feed you grapes, please whip me kind of deal.

2003-01-01 11:40:51 ET

uhm. right. okay. *puzzled*

2003-01-01 20:16:45 ET're MY master. sorry i forgot.

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