Make the boredom go away.
2003-01-16 06:03:04 ET

My mind is on i/o overload. I wanna close the shutters, and embrace tranquil, autistic, silence.
An infitity of thought processes running independantly give me an uneasy feeling - nausea of the head, not the stomach.

I feel anxious, agitated, jittery, nervous, self-conscious, more "aware", or "alert". Like someone pushed the 'turbo' button and all of a sudden I've ascended to transcendence, a higher state of mind.. Only I'm not handling the rush. I bet this is what speed feels like (well, maybe.).

I'm out of work in an hour. I confronted my boss today. I'm glad I did, though the whole concept stressed me out a little too much. The bastards had the bright idea of having us mere mortal employees do a weekly "cleaning duty". I'm sorry, I'll be washing my own cup of coffee thankyouverymuch. What am I a soldier? The fucktard didn't even get what's so horribly wrong with that.
Anyway, I won't be doing it, so I don't give a fuck.

Going out tonight. Ugh, nd it's a thursday! Eep. New club opening. I'll be heading home first, getting myself prepared for the big night (my girl's coming to sleep over!! *ghast* I should tidy my room a bit). Then I'll go to Noa's palce and help her choose artwork for her portfolio...

I'm sort of.. hmm.. Not-looking forward for tonight. I don't know why. I guess I'm just tired and pissed and not in an entirely great mood, and I wish I were. Things'll be looking brighter, soon enough, though (I hope).

:: Listening to: Assemblage 23 - Document ::

2003-01-16 06:15:25 ET

I feel your stress, your anxiety, your confusion.
There is a virus going around - a virus which can produce multiple results.
If you can fine tune your fever, your work can flourish...
If you let it overwhelm you, it can strangle your creative spirit.

<3 <3 Don't let it bring you down...

2003-01-16 06:18:01 ET

I like how the beginning of your entry was all self-analytical, and then by the end you managed to work in "fucktard."
I think we might be experiencing similar emotions as of late (i.e. the one's you described in the beginning of your entry). Maybe you are my long-lost twin brother...heh heh

2003-01-16 06:54:29 ET

STORM & Lila - *GROUP HUG!!*
*sniff* Thanks many and much! Sympathy is really all anyone needs. Too bad real life can't be as honest, as altruistic, as dot.communism allows us to be..

*listening to Neil Young - Don't let it bring you down..* ;)

2003-01-16 07:20:30 ET

That's what I had in mind...

You will come around. :)

2003-01-16 08:12:08 ET

:o) Yeah, I think so, too.

2003-01-18 05:50:17 ET

>>>An infitity of thought processes running independantly give me an uneasy feeling - nausea of the head, not the stomach.

read Sartre's Nausea

i'm slowly getting back the parts of my head back i had in florida, the turbo-think is coming back in bits & pieces, you dont even have to say any more for me to know your dillema, i'm always making connections between things, art,philosophy,life, etc. and sometimes they get overwhelming.

i dont share alot of my theories with others so i suppose they're just masturbatory, in the end...
but i understand the pressure they can place on your skull..

and i bet you're glad you went out last night, arentcha?

(its a toss up sometimes i can go out and be MISERABLE and wish i had never left the house; and sometimes my friends drag me out of the house and everything is beautiful and i have the time of my fucking life, there doesnt seem to be a middle road...)

2003-01-18 06:00:51 ET

I should read more, PERIOD. *puts Sartre down on the list with the rest of em'*

It's comforting to know turbothink(c) is not only my head-meat-dysfunction. When I reach New York, I'm pickin yer brain ;)

Oh, and yeah, as the following posts confirm, I am glad I went out. I sortof knew I would :))


2003-01-18 06:04:40 ET

>>>When I reach New York

the Rivetcorp facilities are at your disposal whenever you choose to come. We have tennis courts, maids, concubines, and a microwave by next week, i swear.

you pick my brain but you'll just find residue of other people's thoughts, made into some sort of strange brain-gumbo

i am but a conduit for their energy, their genius

nietzche, baudelaire, sartre, nicole blackman, leonard cohen

Ralph Waldo Emerson said that when you read something you've already thought of and not yet eloquently expressed your own thoughts present themselves back to you through with a certain "alienated majesty"

i recognize this in your posts... my own thoughts refracted through a different lens

2003-01-18 06:16:40 ET

I'll bee glad to join the ranks of Rivetcorp when I'm there. (And I am SO there).

brain-gumbo.. Yum.
Obviously, original thought is a rarity these days. We're all post-post-post-modern-genX/genY puppies.
Being able to quote correctly, in context, and from vast sources is today's vocabulary.

I appreciate your (my?) thoughts. Circumstances make every person a unique fraction of light, ..but in the end we're all part of the same, hyperspectral view of reality and day-to-day.

Woah, I need to read that again.. Does that make any sense..? Hmm. Yeah, okay I'll leave it.

Anyway, hon, I've got to get going. Pasta awaits me.
Loved talking to you!
(we do this again, yes, we shall)

2003-01-18 06:20:36 ET

>>> ..but in the end we're all part of the same, hyperspectral view of reality and day

i believe all pain is a result of the illusion of separation.

i came to this conclusion before a buddhist told me

'you bastard it was our idea FIRST'

its hard to say what exactly makes an idea original; i was just responding to the pain i see around me and the circumstances that led to it; and all my related musings..

ahh well.. ttyl my dear

2003-01-18 11:01:30 ET

The illusion of seperation. :ponders: hmm.

Pain is certainly an illusion; and yet, it is the only proof we're still alive.

Ugh... Pasta... My thought process is incapable of dealing right now.. i think I'll go to bed..

  Return to Total Eclipse's page