2002-10-09 19:15:44 ET

blah. boiz frusterate me so.

so i finally get ahold of drew. and whut hapens after all the built up excitment.

we practically just listen to each other breathe.

itz like we have this secret desire that only happens at the thought of it all.

i mean we do make each other swOOn and have an incredible fatuation.

but actual conversaion and hanging out is almost impossible.

explain this to me please. ....cuz now i almost don't even wanna bother anymore and just try to forget about him....he angers me so much sometimes i wish i never met him my life would be sooo much easier.

|wallows in tears|


by the way he lives in vancouver bc and i live in the NORTH.

hence the phone is our only way to commnicate.

2002-10-09 19:25:12 ET

mmmboys. the mystery of all mysteries sometimes.... I dunno. there's a guy whom him and i have some sort of understood "flirt and nothing more" relationship. it's odd.. but i'm taken, so it will never be anything more than that.

maybe he's scared? perhaps? boys get nervous too, as hard as it is to believe... i know it's hard for me to believe it.

2002-10-09 19:28:07 ET

oh my deary.

i wish i could go on and tell the story of it all.

i have no grrls to talk to these things about...and i have never had a boifriend. or relationship for that matter.

so all this is an unknown land for me.

and i kno that he deeply cares for me......and it was like love at first sight type of intense chemistry thing.

but nothing was done or happened becuz of things in the way....it was soo bad sometimes we couldn't even be in the same house. and he was involved with one of my best girlfriends.

and then i moved away back home and he moved to vancouver....and now..............blah blah blah.


2002-10-09 19:32:04 ET

yeah, i know how that goes.... i haven't had many relationships (2), but I always observe everyone else in their own relationships, and kind of form my opinions that way. maybe there'd be a way for you guys to see each other again? perhaps? and then maybe it'd kind of go from there.

2002-10-09 19:35:54 ET

thats the thing i am moving back to bc soon.

and he even offered to either move here or buy me a [plane ticket to there ( i asummed when he asked how much a ticket from here would be) but its almost like i want to not see him.

i dunno meybee we have grown apart or never ever were.

thing is i think we are both scared and avoid the issue. i mean we always joke about it and getting married ansd silly stuff like that.

but when it comes to the real face to face deal we walk the other way or act like we dont know each other. i mean if you can't look someone you are suppose to be madly in love with in the eyes.

then something is not right.

maybeee its tooo intense for the both of us.

is that possible?

oh my i am overanalyzing again and will soon fall over.

2002-10-09 20:41:03 ET

hehehe, yeah, I overanalyze like it's going out of style or something....

you're right, it coule be a possiblity that it's too intense for the both of you to even want to face up to.... or it never was. one extreme or the other. *sigh* matters of the heart sure as hell suck sometimes.

2002-10-09 20:57:03 ET

yeh i kno.

i have never felt my heart before.

hence the masses amounts of confusement and frantic.

p.s do you like my new layout?

2002-10-09 21:14:14 ET

i was going to comment on that. the layout kicks ass. i like it.

2002-10-09 21:16:24 ET

wooo hooooooooooo.

me too.

i keep putting off getting my new account.

i will do it when i get my comp fixed and my webcam up again.

i swear its harder than ppl think to get pics on the net.

no scanner digi cam or webcam.

soon tho soon!

2002-10-09 21:19:20 ET

yeah, i have no scanner, and/or webcam/digi cam. it sux ass. i want to put pictures up, but i can't aaaaahhhh.

2002-10-09 21:25:20 ET

i kno

its mad horrid.

and people are convinced that EVERYONE has at least 10 pics on the net.

or that you are someone else.

blah blah blah.


i want a digi cam....perhaps if i didn't buy so many frivolous things such as clothes and junk.

i could have a few nice things. i mean i swear i prolly have over a million dollars in shit i never use or wear .

and i could have had nice car and computer and luxury items like camaras and homethetre. blah blah blah.


2002-10-09 21:35:09 ET

hahaha yeah, if i didn't pay for so much gasoline, i'd probably have a hundred extra dollars a month.

i am in desperate need of some new clothes. i need to go shopping egh.

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