The last day of January
2004-01-31 22:11:24 ET

My costume research is not done. I cannot seem to get myself to do anything productive.

I visited my grandmother in the hospital today. She has Cancer. I use to work in a hospital. It is so easy for me to slip into that mode of knowing how to help. It is some what relieving to be able to do something. She had tears in her eyes as I tucked her into bed. She told me I was a good nurse and that I should have never given up the medical field. I smiled in reply.

My friend in Arizona called me today. He asked how I was I told him. I wish he would stop calling. Things are going really well for him. He is consumed with his life and there is no room for me. I understand this and I am happy for him. He feels bad that he hasnít had time to call me lately. He apologized four times. He makes comments like he feels responsible for my emotional well being. I donít want him to stop calling. I want him to stop telling me to keep my chin up, and that heíll call me more, and that in a few months things will be better and he will have more time. I am done pretending that this will end in happily ever after.

My sister asked me today to dye my hair a natural color for her wedding. She feels that my purple hair will be distracting. She thinks that she hurt my feelings. The truth is she hasnít. Her wedding isnít until august and by that time I could bleach out the purple and after it is all over I could dye it the red color I have been thinking about. My mom and sisters try so hard no to ďmisunderstandĒ me that they over dramatize and ask stupid questions.

So this is how I end this month

2004-02-01 16:45:59 ET

Ask them all to dye their hair purple for your wedding.

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