2004-04-22 01:07:54 ET

I had a silly reflection moment tonight as I ate dinner at my boyfriend's house.

Upon arrival I was informed that he was in the shower. I was then ushered into the kitchen and promptly fed.

As I munched on my bread I suddenly had a memory of a lifetime ago when I was eighteen and dating this boy whose family was constantly cracked out on drugs. (I am not exaggerating). I arrived one evening to be informed that he was in the shower. His mother grabbed me by the hand and led me over to the bathroom. Where she and his brother pushed me into the bathroom.

In both of these homes I had been quickly included as part of the family. My roles, however, are extreemly different. In the Present Family I am one of the children. I am offered food the moment I step in the house, There is a feeling of total acceptance and no responciblity. In the home I was welcomed into eight years ago, I was the caretaker. I cooked, cleaned, bandaged wounds from drunken fights, and Dyed his mother's hair every month. I almost married the boy when I was eighteen.
I tried to picture where I would be had I not come to realize my limits and remove myself from the long ago family. This little mental journey made the meatloaf I was eating taste so much better.

2004-04-22 09:46:17 ET

.....it's funny when you're reading something and you have the perfect comment, kinda that "You're better now than then" type of bull...but you read "meatloaf" and your mind goes blank and all you can think about is food....

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