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2004-12-16 16:10:46 ET I hate myself today. This mountain I have been fending off has finally crashed through my feeble hands with the force of my father's angry voice over a phone I can't afford to pay for this month. Two days ago sucked. Yesterday got worse and today has reached an all time low. I suppose I could slip into self pity but everything that has happened is my fault. I procrastinated paying some things because I didn't have the money, I didn't call and ask my parents for help because I didn't want them to be mad at me. Now I have to have help and they are even angrier than they would have been if I had asked for help a while ago. I vented to my roommate that I hated the way I procrastinate and get easily distracted. She told me I shouldn't be upset at myself, that I am just how I am. I refuse to believe that. Patterns that result in trouble and destruction should not be "part of oneself." I need to go do my dishes. |
