I got through the trip
2006-08-14 06:39:50 ET

So here I am. in a small town about 30 minutes outside of nashville. There has been alot of change in my life over the last nine months. Usually I think i am pretty good with change. I think there has just been too much, or not enough. Or too much huge changes and not enough little ones. I don't know. I woke up early this morning to take my friend to the airport and then I cried myself back to sleep when I got home. I alternate between hoping for a good job and feeling so miserable I cannot breathe. Moving was the right decision but today I want to be anywhere else but sitting in a strange place knowing no one other than my husband's family. I seem to be always on the edge of tears. I want to be able to get over my self and be happy. maybe I am just too tired. The four day driving trip took alot out of me.

sleep is what I do when I am depressed though. Some people binge eat. I sleep. So where is the balance of resting up after an emotional change and tring to hide from a world you don't want to deal with?

I have wandered about in the past couple of days. most places I have gone I have been asked if I was part of a band. I suppose that is the only explination for my blue hair. There isn't one stupid nonstarbucks coffee shop. I hate starbucks and all I want is some place to drink coffee and read a book. All I want is friends out here I can distract myself with.

dave went disc golfing with his family and their friends out here.
I did some ballet today. That felt good.

Today's plan is to work on a resume. Is there anyone that is good at resumes that I can email mine to and get some feedback? I do production work so I am not sure how different it would be from any normal one.

2006-08-15 09:15:28 ET

E Mail it, baby. I gotcha.

And Kell, I'm sorry I didn't read this first. I've been distracted. As for getting over yourself; I feel you should accept the fact that you are having a perfectly normal reaction to making a big sacrifice for your husband. Mourning what you feel you have lost makes sense. *hugs* You'll meet a friend. How can you not? YOu're you. You're awesome.

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