2004-08-23 04:14:01 ET

Class.. it's now over. 9:16 am as of now, and I'm sitting here in the library as usual. What fun! Woohoo. I don't even think I'm gonna go to my speech class today. we're doing this stupid introduction thing, and it's just like. blahh.... I think not. Maybe wednesday.

Awww HELL Uber sexy:


Ya know, there are no goth chicks on this damnable campus. I'm doomed. I just want.. a dressed in black, black black black gothy person! Companionship I long for you!! *drool*

2004-08-23 08:28:11 ET

yeah i'm outnumbered on my campus so..meh!

2004-08-23 09:03:16 ET

Don't get too hung up on people who let lifestyle rule their lives, hon. You might end up wondering where the real personality is.

2004-08-23 09:05:17 ET

Personality... what's... that...? Gothy girls are BOOTIFUL! Hell, I don't even care if I have a goth. My only options here are sorority idiots though :(

2004-08-23 09:06:43 ET

That sounded kind of shallow However this is what I Mean:

I don't want someone fucking ugly, and so far, that's really all I've ever dated asides from Allysia. I'm sick of doing that to myself, but with my shitty self esteem, that's all I ever try my luck with.

Woops, can't start a pity fest.

2004-08-23 09:06:56 ET

You might just find a diamond in the rough in a sorority chick. Don't judge the girls by what they're a part of until you've seen something else you don't like about them INDIVIDUALLY.

2004-08-23 09:08:11 ET

You're not understanding me. That is -not- within my range of person to date or even hang around. I can't, Just can't do it. It's always some fucking ugly person, or nothing.

2004-08-23 09:10:51 ET

These are self esteem issues, hun. I've been hurt by those types of people, and I cannot trust them.

Not that, but they're too pretty for me. I'm not that good looking...

2004-08-23 09:12:42 ET

Well, whatever you believe about yourself is bound to be made true by yourself. Your image (and personality) is all you have to project onto others. If you want to be attractive, you have to feel and believe that you are. It starts with yourself, not others.

2004-08-23 09:16:04 ET

That is so not true. That's a theory, that's like forcing yourself to smile makes you happy. It's bullshit. I've thought of myself as attractive in the past and worked on that, and jack shit comes from it.

How people think of me, and what I look like to them is not under my control.

2004-08-23 09:17:23 ET

It is true, Xan. You just haven't kept it up. Just because one or two people don't enjoy your own self image doesn't mean it's a failure. Have confidence anyway, Matt. Going through life unsure of yourself is no way to live.

2004-08-23 09:21:10 ET

I'm sorry, I've always wanted to say this, and now I get the chance.

You sound like chapters from a self help booklet.

It's always an extreme. I'm very sure of myself. I'm in touch with all of my different aspects, and it's been this way for quite some time now. There is no happy medium for one such as myself. If I were to become completely confident, it becomes arrogance. If not, I become a mere puddle of nothing.

It's always been this way. Disastrous indeed.

2004-08-23 09:22:36 ET

Fucking hell. Ignore me. Relationships on subkultures, relationships all around me. Just bah. Bah to you all and your happiness. It should be destroyed. Grr. Kill!

2004-08-23 09:31:12 ET

I sound like chapters from a self help booklet because I've been through every kind of hell there is. I've been ugly, I've been pathetic, I've been so broke I needed money from Uncle Sam, I've been sad and angry and unhappy. I've been mean and callous and undeserving. I've been an ass, I've been a jerk, I've been a bitch. I've been racist, I've been a biggot, I've been judgemental. I've been bitter, I've been a drama queen, I've been a hippy, I've been gothic, I've been a rivethead. Or at least I've been a wannabe. I've been a drug addict, I've been an alcoholic, I've been promiscous once. I've been a wiccan, I've been a Christian, I've been anti-Christian. I've been a lover, a hater and a total asshole. I've had no self esteem before, I've had too much. I have a great ability to understand and empathize with other young people.

2004-08-23 09:32:04 ET

Interesting. I want to see pictures from when you were ugly. I want them now.

Unless you fucking weighed 300 lbs, you probably weren't ugly. Nor did you have a hard a time finding someone. You're a fucking chick. You can get whatever the hell you want.

2004-08-23 09:33:52 ET

I'd have to find them and scan them in. I'll try to get them to you tonight. Be patient.

That's not true. I had buck teeth, scraggly hair, braces, bright freckles and no tits. I still have big teeth and no tits. I didn't get what I wanted. I was treated like total and utter shit in school for 8 years. It wasn't until I found confidence in myself that I broke out of being shy and gained friends and romance. My life now--happy as it is--is because I went out there and grabbed it by the balls.

2004-08-23 09:34:21 ET

Impatience is a virtue. And one I've mastered. Sounds good. I await the photos.

2004-08-23 09:41:33 ET

You'll have to give more details than that. I'm curious. So very very curious. Let us see the pictures this eve, and we shall speak further on the matter.

2004-08-23 11:54:35 ET

Can't we all just (pretend) to get along?

2004-08-23 13:36:47 ET

"forcing yourself to smile makes you happy," the most truthful words i've ever heard matt use in a sentance.

"You sound like chapters from a self help booklet" god that was mean. a very very raw truth though... but i've had more fun and actually listened to Rivet. She's got some wisdom in that head of hers. I get those extremes too. i just try to occupy myself so i'm not any more. read, watch a movie, listen to cd. something other than moping around and jerking off.

2004-08-23 15:01:39 ET

When I don't eat, I get pissy. And hey guess what? I still haven't eaten all day and it's 8:00 PM.

2004-08-23 15:33:06 ET

*hugs Klemmy to pieces* If I get overbearing--it's because I love my friends and my ego makes me wanna help.

2004-08-23 15:33:41 ET

well, we love you and always will. So there. <3

2004-08-23 15:34:15 ET

Group hug!!! <3

2004-08-23 15:35:03 ET

:D So sweet. so loving so caring


2004-08-23 15:37:10 ET

Ummm---I'm pretty sure Kage doesn't swing that way. You can pursue him if you like but I'm sure he won't budge.

2004-08-23 15:53:21 ET

Yeah yeah. Every man who doesn't swing that way is completely unaware of his true nature, and the same for females. All humans are inherantly bi I think. Or something else thought. Or something.

2004-08-24 13:16:22 ET

Wheww rivet, i thought u might take that harshly (though that wasn't what i was intending i assure u).

Also, Matt, all humans may be inheritantly bi, i am not. Been there done that, didn't like.

2004-08-24 14:55:49 ET

It actually takes quite a bit to offend me, sweets. Morals and derilect opinions will piss me off far sooner than constructive criticism. Besides, you were polite about it. ^_^

2004-08-25 12:15:59 ET

yeah i know but sometimes ppl are still sore when they are told something even if there's a politeness to it.

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