where to begin?...
2005-06-22 23:28:23 ET

well we've all had a rough day in ak. rex, the wonderful friend of a dog, decided she no longer wanted to babysit us, but our grandpa instead. i don't blame her, he's much better company than the rest of us. but then the mortal side of me feels bad about complaining about her shedding hair, always on my heels or toes, and her barking at every passerby. she really was a good dog. as far as grandpa goes, i feel worse for not taking more time to visit him. i didn't get to know him as well as the other siblings; i took him for granted, somehow thinking he'd always be there. i guess he still is, only my selfishness is telling me otherwise. i didn't know what to do with my self at the funeral. i cried, took care of children, and threw myself into serving the food at the dinner hall. fetching, cleaning, moving; i even ate standing in the kitchen.

i love my family, as most of us do, and i really do try to fix everything. i can't fix this. and the aftermath with my aunt and father, well, isn't going to be pretty. how can i ease that? i can't, and trying to is pointless, but i will still worry about it. we all are dealing with this differently: gryf shared so many views with him, politics, life, family... she is missing a dear friend. snow did a lot of errands for him, shopping, bank, etc. she is missing a daily routine of caring for one of her family members. i missed everything. the only thing i did for him is plant some flowers last year, and not smoke in front of him on my short, infrequent visits. i don't know what to feel but this seems to be my one regret so far. and it's leaving a big hole.
i end this entry on one note: never put off for tomorrow what you can do today. take the time, because it is definitely worth more than the money.

2005-06-23 01:06:59 ET


2005-06-25 09:53:00 ET

she was a good dog, and she'll tell grandpa all kinds of good things about you. he loved you and i think he understood you better than you know.

2005-06-25 10:02:33 ET

awwwwwwww... I feel special now...

thanks for the hugs jake! ;-)

2005-06-25 15:52:06 ET

i live to serve.

if any of you gals need someone to vent at just lemme know.

2005-06-27 19:09:02 ET


2005-06-28 01:33:34 ET

*bear hug*

2005-06-28 21:59:44 ET

*bear hug back*

*hand slides south to cop a feel*

and the dirty birdy has struck again!(lol)

2005-06-29 01:27:41 ET

ah! i feel so used! *smile*

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