2006-08-01 15:50:40 ET|
just been putting myself back together... mentally anyway. i hadn't cried in 2 damn years, i did just a couple of weeks ago. i quit smoking after 11 years, 9 weeks ago yesterday. started running and working out 9 weeks ago as well. i've started reading a few months ago, (more, anyway). flossing daily, wearing my glasses and taking out my contacts, keeping room clean, chasing my sister's kids around(unnecessary and useless, they're fast lil buggers), cooking meals(that has never changed)listening to more music, and drinking beer more at home than out. my life has been in limbo for the better part of 2 years, but now it's a more organized, responsible, and completely anal version.
and i threw all senses out the window with gryfin's encouragement. so anyone in dayton,ohio, give a shout out, i'll be down there the 14th to the 20 this month. what's there to do down there? preferably non-sitting down things to do. i will have a gracious host, but i'm not the kind of person who does things like this, just up and go. i did once, but for someone i knew in person. this, is meeting them finally in person. i am nervous as shit, i know i don't realize what a quirky little shit i am until i meet others. gryfin tolerates me because i'm family.
ahhhhhhhh, truth be told, we'd still be friends, she's crazy, and i make sense. and she'd probably say the reverse. lol but still, you know the feeling we get before meeting someone, the little voice that says "if they don't like me, f*ck 'em, their loss"; and the even smaller voice that says "what if they don't like me?" and the even tinier piece of ego/ selfesteem that gets flushed down the crapper if they really don't?
yeah, that feeling. oh, i know i'm probably just thinking too much on it. but i can't stop thinking about what to wear, (i'm a mood dresser), what if i'm too goonie, too sensible... too f*cked...
lol oh boy. i took a little test, and the song that describes how i "feel" about me turned out to be "bother" by stone sour. even better, how i view life is a nine inch nails song.
it's just a little trip to ohio... right? lol