I thought of some really sadistic, not-funny-at-all jokes:
2005-03-24 03:50:39 ET

Your kid is so fat, black comedians quit fat mama jokes so they can pay enough attention on him!

Your kid is so fat, yo grandma is putting her RRSP into two coffins for your kid's birthday, both for the kid in case his kidney fails!

Your kid is so fat, he can't fit through the sliding doors of your family minivan, and he's only 5 years old!

Your kid is so fat, from the day he's born the world is destined to revolve around him!

2005-03-24 06:55:04 ET

Your kid is so fat, he can't fit through the sliding doors of your family minivan, and he's only 5 years old!

I know you're kidding but there seriously IS a kid in my neighborhood who is THAT damn fat. and he's 6 now.

2005-03-24 06:59:18 ET

all i know is your avatar is too hot regardless of my fat ass.

2005-03-24 12:57:15 ET

I got some home-made jokes too!

Your kid got so fat that his rib-cage collapsed under the weight of his male-tits, and then he suffucated and died a horrible, fucked-ass death.

Your kid is so fat that I'm planning on abducting him, taking him to Mexico, bludgening him to death, skinning off his flesh, grinding it up in a meat grinder, packaging it into sausage links, and going back up to Long Beach. Then I'm gonna get a business licence and open a hot-dog stand right outside of the courthouse, and because your kid is so fat, I'll be able to stay in business for what I estimate will be about a year.

You kid is so fat that I don't even have to fuck him in the ass to get off, I can just use one of the many folds of his body. I mean, it feels pretty much the same, plus the legal remifications aren't as severe. And seeing as how he has no self-esteem, the chances of him actually going to the police are pretty slim, so I kinda see it as a win-win situation.

2005-03-24 14:59:37 ET

your kid is so fat he jumps and gets stuck.

your kid is so fat, he bleeds skittles.

2005-03-24 22:47:27 ET

hahahaha!... bleed skittles!
and the minivan!

2005-03-25 04:25:47 ET

being fat is the new black. It is one of the last targets that comedians can go after and that people can openly ridicule without backlash, congratulations.

2005-03-25 10:40:38 ET

I think it's repulsive and disturbing how many fat kids exist nowadays. It's a fucked-up form of child abuse and I think parents should have to pay for it. There's no reason for all these fat kids. Now we're gonna have all these fucked-up grown ups in a couple years with low-self-esteem, terrible health, and zero motivation, all because of parental neglect, ignorance, and apathy.

Fuck fat kids.

2005-03-25 13:37:46 ET

don't fuck the kids! That's how they got here in the first place.

2005-03-26 03:02:56 ET

I sarted getting "fat" when I was 14-16.
I have a university degree, I own a car, I own a house, I own two dirt-bikes. If you met me you would think that my ego is too big for me (no need for details here) oh and since I was in my mid 20's I have earned an annual income that is at least twice that of my age, occassionally three times.

That being said lets look at some of the underlying issues of obese children. A few years ago a scientist came out against the dangers of sugar and how it is grossly out of proportion in monst Amrerican diets. This was in a medical journal and the sugar lobbnly obliterated his career. Parents are not the sole people to blame as the system needs to be examined. What can you expect of parents when both parents have to work in order to make the nut as the true standard in living has decreased over the last 20 years.

but hey everybody can use a good sound-bite to listen to so please continue.

2005-03-26 08:31:50 ET

First thing's first: I understand everyone has to work.
The trick is, instead of taking the kids out to McD every meal, teach the kid to cook himself. You know, parents don't have to wait until age 18 to teach kids to open a can of tuna & make pasta, or fry an egg or some frozen beans. If the kid knows how to spend money he better know how to turn on the stove.

I am just saying, I've lived in all sorts of situations before. My annual income is below the poverty line due to the amount of moves I've made over the past 2-3 years. There were times I'd say when I'm on my way to work, that I am way too tired to raise a finger, and the only place with food that is attached to the subway station is McD's. I'm not in it for exercises either, so how come I am still considered "healthy" by this ridiculous standard? Anywhere else around the world I'll be picked at as being chubby.

I call it the American Excuse System. I don't want to do the dishes, or my friends are coming over, so let's order pizza. We'll just sit around for an hour asking "so when's the pizza coming?" and not make an actual meal. It's movie time, too lazy to cut cucumber strips so let's just put in a bag of popcorn. I'm a poor student, can't afford any other source of food, I'll just KD myself to death. It's not cheap to live like a "poor student" in North America at all! I've gone a full month on $400 budget (including rent), but let me tell you if you cook every meal from scratch, simple stupid things, it can cost less than $100 for food, with each meal consisting of pork chops/salmon/beef/chicken/whatever + pasta + salad, with occasional steak. And I'm saying, people just don't do it.

So now medical research reports on national newspaper give us a new excuse everyday for why people have high cholesterol, liver failures, obesity, etc etc...

2005-03-26 16:58:11 ET

What are your thoughts on these lawsuits against McD's and the like?

There's a part of me that is all gung-how for healtheir fast food. There's NO need for unhealthy fast food right?

2005-03-27 04:12:37 ET

the consumer votes with their wallet everyday, who can compete with $1.69 mcfishes/chickens etc.

There are schools in Canada (I do not know this if they do it in the states yet) where junk food machines and junk food in general is banned. Besids the increased chance of obeseity one of the ideas was because branding is so important and children are impressionable.

2005-03-28 13:09:18 ET

the McD lawsuits are just ridiculous.
"I can't stop eating McD cos they taste so good! They are the cause of my low self esteem! As a voluntary consumer, they should publicly appologize to the world and pay me $2 million for creating food I like!"

2005-03-28 17:14:13 ET

Your kid is so fat that he sued McDonalds for making him so fat.

Your kid is so fat that she concentrated all of her remaining energy on studying, reading, and skill development. Eventually, she got into the university she wanted to get into and got a whole fuckload of degrees. Now she leads a very successful life in her profession. But she's still lonely. And she's still fat.

2005-03-28 17:40:33 ET

daniel is just COLD.

2005-03-28 18:01:07 ET

What...you didn't think that was funny?

Okay, whatever. I got high metabolism because GOD likes me more than other people who don't have high metabolism.

I'm not trying to hate. I'm trying to make jokes that are funny 'cause they puncture. It's more than a little situation we got here in the UNITED STATES, let me tell you. A bunch of fuck-faced cunts, the whole muthafuckin' lot. I'm constantly exhausted by the extremity of our situation. I don't know what the future is supposed to feel like in this delerious, frightened, and increasingly-violent envrionment.

2005-03-29 02:39:41 ET

mind the pun but your "jokes" find an easy target. It is easy to write jokes about fat people becayse there is no chance of a backlash its like writing jokes about Finnish people, who cares.

here's a challenge why don't you try to write jokes that do not target or put anyone down, its actually rally difficult and there are only (for me) a few comedians that come to mind. The are the smothers brothers and Bill Cosby, I am sure there are more but I would think not that many.

oh by the way you may find that you world view changes as you get older just like your metabolism.

2005-03-29 10:50:26 ET

Bill Cosby rocks!

2005-03-30 18:39:13 ET

Writing jokes about fat people is an easy target, and if I touched upon a personal sensitivity of yours, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to personally hurt you, or anyone here. Something to remember is that I'M NOT A FUCKING COMEDIAN!

I hate cynisicm because, I think, when used as an expressive tool, it becomes a form of manipulation. It paints a pretense before painting a picture. In these last few lashes of mine, I've intentionally gone beyond the reasonable two-line joke into something more personal, more offensive. And it was totally uncalled for, though I would do it again if I had the chance.

I think the core of cynicism is making a mockery of reality. And really, I hate cynicism. 6+ billion people in the world. What do words mean?

2005-03-31 02:27:03 ET

first of all you did not reach a touchy subject with me. I am just bothered by people that go after the easy target rather than working for it.

everything can be used as a form of manipulation.

For the record the reason I went at you is because I do not believe in censorship. I believe that everybody has the right to say anything they want they just have to be able to defend it. That being said I also believe that society (people within it) need to take a stand rather than aftificial organizations to say what can and can not be said.

2005-03-31 08:33:01 ET

I like to fuck the easy target. That's actually something that I need to work on.

2005-03-31 09:44:34 ET

he he


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