america number one is a lie
2002-10-04 11:04:09 ET

things to do:

dishes, write song in reason, catch up with some friends, watch the game, go see seabound tomorrow night

hey, does anyone have the new covenant album?
if so, how is it?

also: assemblage 23 is coming to new york soon. gotta see that. holy synthpop batman! been listening to alot of it. what's wrong with me??? i used to be hardcore. i used to laugh at people who listened to synthpop. now i am one of them. oh, the shame. but then again, i listen to bands like fiendflug or waldgeist these days and it sounds like wanna be, watered down calva y nada. now that was repetitive and obnoxious! i guess i don't listen to listen to make a statement. i listen to music cause i like it. not to be different. not to be 'underground'. or cool. or to find acceptance within a group. or to shun the popular. frankly, i am too old for it. my mind has become more sponge-like. absorbing everything. you only live once...why limit yourself? or the experiences you allow yourself to have?
also: hocico and haujobb for CMJ. sometime in october i believe. saw haujobb eralier this year...not sure if i'm ready for a repeat performance...especially on a small stage. and i have a grand total of -one- hocico track. who knows if they are any good?

2002-10-04 11:20:28 ET

i think i might try ot make it to that hocico nyc show..

2002-10-04 11:22:47 ET

yay! maybe the other nyc people will crawl out of the woodwork for that. it would be fun with a bunch of us going.

2002-10-04 12:34:03 ET

lenny cried when hocico cancelled their last nyc visit.

2002-10-04 13:10:27 ET

lol. lenny cracks me up. we should all go!

2002-10-04 13:17:14 ET

I'm going for sure. Hocico isn't my favorite band but they should be fun.

2002-10-04 14:06:29 ET

if i'm not in new orleans, i'll go

2002-10-04 20:36:11 ET

Yes, it will be fun when Hocico OPENS for haujobb.

</haujobb stalker>

It's november 2nd, by the way.

I'm feeling the same way you are. with the exceptions of PAL and Noisex, the noice scene seems lame and childist to me. I'd have lived for it when I was 19, but when I was 19, we had Skinny Puppy and LeŠther Strip and liked it juuuuust fine.

2002-10-04 21:25:23 ET

Hocico is good as far as EBM goes.

From what I've heard of the new Covenant album: It's United States of Mind part 2. If you liked United, you'd like the new one.

Uhh, there's really know popular rhymytic noise scene in NYC (unless some one's not telling me about it)... and the power electronics scene is all elitist and stuff and somehow seems to revolve around NTT concerts ('cause that's the kind of bands who play here!)

What-evah, y0. The Hocico show that's going down is going to be fun. We should have a meet that day.

2002-10-04 21:29:01 ET

Well, if I'm not too busy chilling with Mr. Myer. ;)

2002-10-05 04:45:09 ET

dammit! i'm going to be in new orleans on november 2nd! foiled again!

2002-10-05 07:47:57 ET

Stop your travellin' ways. ; )

2002-10-05 13:15:40 ET

YOU F*CKING ROCK!!!! I like your philosophies on music, my friend! lol.

2002-10-05 13:25:10 ET

why thanks rivetangel!

bio: i MIGHT be back...but no promises

2002-10-05 13:27:19 ET

So does that mean that you also listen to at least SOME popular music? I always get teased by acceleratedstate because I listen to more than just...broody/angry stuff. Don't get me wrong, I wanna spear Britney just as much as the next

2002-10-05 13:32:51 ET

i guess some popular music...can't think of a good example right now. oh, i like some eminem. thats catchy stuff. um...don't listen to the radio much these days. but pretty much i try to keep an open mind. it only behooves me to like more stuff, i think. my life can only be more fulfilling! people who are unconcerned what other people think about them have more fun, don't you think?

2002-10-05 13:35:27 ET

What's with the NYC industrial krew and Eminem?


2002-10-05 13:36:33 ET


he just puts a lot of hooks into his shit

2002-10-05 13:36:34 ET

he kicks my organ

2002-10-05 13:41:15 ET


Bleh, I'm off to go socialize, then off to the Batcave.

You should put me on the MI7 guestlist... or make the promoters have the event 18+.

2002-10-05 13:55:38 ET

Well, Accelerated just teases me...nothing serious. But yes, it is more fun to NOT give a sh*t about what other people think.
Bio: Are you a youngin'?

2002-10-05 13:57:32 ET

Bio is a wee bairn of 16 years old.

2002-10-05 13:59:04 ET

WOW! Not even old enough to smoke. Hey, enjoy it, buddy! *tear rolls down cheek* It never lasts!

2002-10-05 14:00:16 ET

Yeah, i miss my young days of going out every night, drinking, sleeping with teenage girls...

Oh wait, thaat was last month!

2002-10-05 14:01:52 ET

Behave, Doktor! Make your life yourself for someone special before it's too late!! *reminds everone that rivetangel is extremely big on NOT being promiscuous*

2002-10-05 14:06:06 ET

I like that idea in theory.

In practice, I have to find something to entertain myself while I wait for that special someone to come along and/or realize that she *is* that special someone.

I'm starting to get sick of the 'dating' thing, and maybe want something with substance and quality... but I find that the people who I have the strongest feelings for are not there yet.

So I wait... and in the meantime, sex is not as bad for you as television... at least you get some exercise.

2002-10-05 14:13:32 ET

Yes, but you're cheapening the experience by means of having too much sex without emotion. Soon you'll be bored of the entire idea of love and a relationship...besides, honestly, good women don't want a man whose been with LOTS of women. Sure, some experience is desireable, but for the most part, good women will want to teach you how to make love, anyway.

2002-10-05 14:17:18 ET

Well, it's already waaay too late for that. I've been around the block a few times. Ok, a lot of times.

I've made more than a few mistakes in my day. And I have some regrets as well. Ihave started being more selective in who I involve myself with, but even then, it seems like *I* enter the situation with intent for more, and I find the woman is just in it for the hookup.

And believe me, I'm not bored of the idea of love and relationships. i'm coming opff of almost 3 years of the batchlor lifestyle. I'm bored of the emptiness of it all right now.

2002-10-05 14:19:13 ET

That's exactly why you should remain sexless until a good girl comes along. Seriously, honey, you'll appreciate sex more than you already do. And it's never TOO late to begin repairing something...if it's broken, fix it.

2002-10-05 14:20:13 ET

Not always so easy to fix . .

2002-10-05 14:20:36 ET

bio: i'll see you there

242: girls are nothin but trouble! i am much happier single.

rivet: i agree with you. there's no experience that is as hallow as a one night stand. but then again, if the parties both know what they are in for, then i can think of worse things.

2002-10-05 14:20:53 ET

I have a bad habit of finding out which girls are no good waaay too late....

But I've been cutting down on my carousing quite a bit.

2002-10-05 14:22:32 ET

all girls are no good. but the guys aren't any better. that's why it's so amazing and horrible at the same time.

2002-10-05 14:25:25 ET

Hey, now. I happen to know many quality women. I'm one of them. Several of my male friends have fallen in love with me by accident. Know why? Because I rock!!! :)
No, really, I ROCK! lol

2002-10-05 14:26:21 ET

well yeah so do I but I can't say I'm not a horrible person sometimes too..

2002-10-05 14:27:46 ET

i'm split on the issue of promiscuity. on one hand, i believe that -as long as you are not hurting anyone- one should feel free to experience as much as possible. on the other hand, in the real world, it can get messy. the main downsides of it i can see are practical: disease, unwanted pregnancy, etc. i'm of the mind that plenty of fun can be had without being laid. but its not a terrible thing in and of itself to get some action. what people should NOT do is substitute it with love. do it for what it is: physical gratification. people who tie too much emotion to sex should not be doing it with random people!

2002-10-05 14:28:06 ET

I know I'm not a horrible person at all...because I am constantly striving to be a better person. And just the effort makes all the difference.

2002-10-05 14:39:24 ET

well said!

2002-10-05 17:04:27 ET

Promiscuity is unhealthy physically and mentally, and Rivetangel I agree with you.

2002-10-05 21:16:07 ET

P.S. I'm not your normal 16 year old.

Look at the h0t picz in my gallery, y0.

2002-10-06 12:20:28 ET

as i have explained to my closer friends.. i had someone i was with for 3 years. when that ended i stopped caring, my biggest problem right now isn't sex vs. emotion yada yada.. its budgeting my time to include things that are quality experiences and not just distractions.

i know many people (guys mostly rivet and otherwise) to whom the idea of non-promiscuity is actually part of their self image. to me, i shift values a lot, not to say that i'm a hypocrite but when its time to move into a different phase of life (ie long term relationship -->dating around) i don't cling to an idea of non-promiscuity.. because i am a person and my needs etc. change over time, as well as the ideas i value. there's a common denominator somewhere under that i'm sure but i'm too young to know what it is.

i think many of the young moralists (there are many, god only knows why) i know are actually drawn to me because of my lack.. not necessarily of morals, but of taking morals seriously.. just a pattern of behaviors designed to bring you happiness... not punish yourself. if you are not happy you will eventually change your value system.. i agree with doktor242 about distracting yourself until that special someone does.. whatever it is they need to do.. it does get old though.. and i am about as desensitized to true romance as kids are to media violence.. sure i have distractions but some people watch tv.. and i get more exercise.

christ i'm cynical

2002-10-06 20:58:51 ET

Azrael, thank you. Strange, thank you as well for agreeing. Biomechanic, don't quit your day job, honey! And make sure you finish school, cuz this girl thinks that your looks won't get you far...I'm sure the personality is there, and it's a great thing to have lots of self esteem, but come on: 'h0t picz, yo'
You may be right about not BEING a normal 16 year old, but you sure SOUND like a normal 16 year old. lol.

2002-10-06 21:02:33 ET

Oh, yeah, Death: I'm reading what you're saying, honey, but I'm not sure if I've reached your wave, yet. I can't seem to get what you're point is (no pun intended). Are you saying that you're promiscuous? If that's the case, I think you're a lost soul, hon.

2002-10-07 05:26:39 ET

yea, lorraine can ramble on without reaching any conclusion. sort of like stream of conciousness which turns into a river which flows out to sea.

about all girls are nothing but trouble: i am not saying that i think girls are horrible people. i am not. most girls i know are sweet and lovable. on the other hand, they can be much more vicious than a guy could ever be. anyway, getting back to the point. regardless if the girl is sweet or sour, if i am with one, then my entire life changes to accomadate this person into my life. i go through pains and gyrations to assimilate into a relationship. so for me, it's literally true. it can either be worth it, or not. so far only once was it worth it and it ended after 7 years.

2002-10-10 14:10:48 ET

i am a tomboy that is sick of seeing girls ruin my friend's lives.

and statistically (believe it or not) tomboys are promiscuous...

and i apologize for the stream of consciousness rambling. i should probably save that for MY page..hehe

2002-10-10 14:26:54 ET

I <3 Tomboys.

2002-10-10 18:48:42 ET

no worries, lorraine

2002-10-10 18:51:55 ET

Sick of seeing girls ruin your friends lives.. that's sweet.

2002-10-12 09:32:24 ET

Well, I disagree with Dok, here. Sorry, dok. If there's a group of male friends that design has and women or girls are 'ruining' their lives, I must say that they are just as much to blame as the girls/women are. No one can be hurt without knowingly commiting themselves to the pain. If you pay attention to your surroundings, and make yourself an aware person, (in general) you'll find that you can be as tough as steel. Yes, I've been hurt before, but I must say that the last broken heart I had will be the last. Besides, pain is an experience, not a demise.

2002-10-12 09:38:24 ET

I agree.... I'm not letting anyone break my heart or ruin my life.

I can be hurt, hurt badly... but I can not be broken.

"I am an atom and nothing can break me down." -Assemblage 23

2002-10-12 10:13:51 ET

Very well said, doktor! sO PROUD of you! :)

2002-10-12 10:20:35 ET

I can be broken... not too proud to admit it.

2002-10-12 10:23:56 ET


I've been teetering on the brink of disaster for 5 months, I'm tired. Instead of doing that, I'm gonna sit down on the edge and dangle my feet like a construction worker.

Bent but not broken. Cracked but not shattered...

I think I'm beginning to write lyrics again....

2002-10-13 19:49:19 ET

And they sound great. In both sentences there's pain but hope. Both can be seems to leave a door open.

  Return to azraeltrigger's page