2004-01-12 00:44:57 ET

weekends are never long enough. frankly, its because i have the very best boyfriend ever. never ever has something ever been so easy. for once i'm beginning to let my gaurd down. which is a truely frightening and wonderful thing. i don't want to be hurt like i was in the past. so i've just made myself obsolete and completely baricaded. i think i'm more scared than anything. which is something i don't want anymore. i don't want to be terrified and constantly waiting for something horrible to happen. waiting to hear the words that mean this isn't working anymore, this isn't what i thought it would be, your a disappointment, rejection, your a horrible person, your not the one, she's the one i want, were just ment to be friends, i heard your a prude. that could go on forever. but with everything so wonderful that's what i'm waiting to hear any second, to just come dropping on my door.

i made him promise not to break up with me over the phone or through an email. frankly, he's man enough to tell me it to my face. and thank god. it isn't suppose to be indecipherable either. i want him to just say it. i don't want to have to think for more than a minute on what he's just said. cause attempting to figure out whether or not someone doesn't want your relationship anymore is just retarded. if you don't say you don't. everyone should listen to nada surf. i don't know why this popped in my head. i think mostly because while i was sanding my dresser the song came on. and for some reason i just thought of it.

the weekend was fairly laid back. brian was in a hyper mood friday night. i wasn't. :/ i made hot cocoa and decided to chill. he wanted to wrestle and tickle me to death. i have the sore spot to prove it. we ended up watching south park. which had an awfully large amount of mormon this mormon that in it. saturday and sunday i spent brushing out hair glue and super glue which was attached to my friends dreads. after the brushing/cutting out of dreads, i put in about 50 doubleended dreads into her hair. which took practically all of sunday. fortunitely we managed to salvage alot of hair. and she looks fabu. although i'm sure this only fules one fire. i played with puppies for the pretty large amount of time i wasn't brushing/cutting/braiding. dana and kim got puppies and they are adorable. then again most puppies are cute unless they are hideously defigured. but it may work to somes charm. i'm tired and rambling. time to go to bed. viva.

2004-01-12 00:47:20 ET

congrats, & gut nite.

2004-01-12 05:14:19 ET

*snuggles* I need a good man. I'm thinking about going on a road trip.

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