2004-04-08 16:02:12 ET|
i juts lost it, and tol dmy mom half of everything i'm feeling. she's i think finally heard me and soon i'll be seeing an actual psychologist. she told me some things i suspected. i just really want a. "L" out of my head. i think about him way too much. in an unhealthy way. (L is the ex-boyfriend that strung me along, made me believe something that wasn't there, that i loved, and fed me everything i needed but didn't mean any of it. that relationship has a serious scar mark in my life. nice christian boys are never nice. they want to corrupt.) b. to build some self-esteem and become confident in myself. c. to become content. d. to not be an emotional wreck. e. have my creativity come pouring out of my body again.
i cleaned, cried, and listened to fischerspooner. which makes me believe that i someday will be happy and making wacky art.
i did really well on my speech midterm and possibly bombed my english midterm. i officially can say i hate 99.999% of all poetry.
tonight i go out to dance, because i need to sweat. i plan on kicking my ass tonight, so that tomarrow i can't move.