2004-06-07 13:26:25 ET

i haven't been feeling like myself. which caused me to skip bunker on friday night. something about going there that i couldn't take. i did go to perversion on thursday, which was good and bad. no one showed up which ment more dance floor space. i still can't seem to find my personal rhythim. i'm hoping something will hit.


saturday was spend lounging and getting food. we made a trip to the theaters to go see "saved" which was super super great. what an amazing film. reminded me of the past, certain friends, and my little sister. it was just way too funny. it has further solidified my love for macaulay culkin. i really really love him. too bad he's as tall as my pinky. bleh.

sunday i skated about 9 miles at the beach. everything was pretty ok. my foot was cramping and i can deal with that. but one of brian's friend made a totally innappropriate comment about my chest size. which made me utterly pissed, i took off ahead of the group and then decided said, "fuck it, i'm skating back i shouldn't have to tolerate this." so i skated back the four and half miles by myself.

one thing, don't bring a girls chest size. WE ARE ALL SELF CONSCIENCE ABOUT IT.

i fucking hate that type of guy. you know at first i was kinda sympathetic for him, cause he has attachment and self-confidence issues. but he got a new girlfriend but then he broke up with her but she stuck around. he now has two girlfriends. it all went to his head, and hope he gets hit by a bus. you know for once i'd like for who i am to not be a fucking problem with people. i'm a pesco-veggie, a female, and posess strength qualities that make certain men nervous. it doesn't give anyone the right to say shit about me. i've got my stuff together. fuck. now i will enact my total avoidment of that group of people. something kinda liked this happened before when brian and i were going to the bbq at his friends house on sunday. so i decided i wasn't going to go anymore. bleh.

the rest of sunday was spent napping and eating sushi. i got to see rachel perform at an internet cafe. which was great. until the coffe guy decided to start a blender in the middle of her song. it was great to see her perform and to just see her. she looks soooo soooo amazing. it's wonderful. i'm hoping i will get to see her a bit later this week.

i'll be modeling with n2cole and eric at a fashion show later this month. i'm excited. and this is the modivation i need to start working out. i hope to drop about 5 solid pounds by then. i've gained way too much weight.

i will never be happy with myself.

2004-06-07 14:19:11 ET

That guy sounds like a weenie.
Talk to someone if you are that unhappy.

2004-06-07 15:39:16 ET

good for you for cutting that weenie short. boobs are definitely a source of much self consciousness in basically every girl. i dont know many females, no matter how strong, who are perfectly fine with their breasts and wouldnt change anything. if theyre not too big, theyre too small. if theyre the perfect size, then theres something wrong with your nipples. etc etc. it probably equals or surpasses the typical male obsession with one's dick.

im glad youre doing the modeling thing too :D we should be workout buddies. i tried to bike up and down apperson a couple times the other day, i lasted about 10 minutes uphill before my legs became overcooked vermicelli. ;/

2004-06-07 16:00:50 ET

What do you mean rust? There wouldn't be so many oversized trucks or sports cars on the road if size wasn't an issue for some guys.

2004-06-07 16:01:43 ET

Come over and start doing yoga with me. I was sore for 4 days after the first time!

2004-06-07 17:24:34 ET


2004-06-10 06:44:11 ET

its in out human nature never to be satisfied with ourselves...but to state the obvious.... you're BEATIFUL!

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