use 'em and lose 'em
2003-10-16 17:19:12 ET

I need to sustain myself with a boy until I get the courage to tell the boy i really want that I want him
or I get to see the girl I miss so much

2003-10-16 17:32:43 ET

dammit, my next few nights are all filled up. i have to get that courage this weekend, too.

2003-10-16 18:04:24 ET

LOL. tell him!
i'm the biggest chicken shit ever and i did it.

2003-10-17 12:13:00 ET

I need to, I have been avoiding it since the beginning of this summer...I'm super lame

2003-10-18 15:54:57 ET

the beginning of summer?!

omg. i bet he's already in love with you and you're just wasting precious time being shy.

2003-10-18 23:24:27 ET

ha, beginning of summer. that's nothing.

2003-10-19 09:27:07 ET

have you been secretly in love with someone for a loooong time?

2003-10-19 10:16:21 ET

not so secretly.

2003-10-19 17:38:42 ET

Nah, you're not pathetic. One of my other friends was really pathetic cuz he liked one of my friends since summer of last year, and he didn't wind up trying to make a move till March of this year. It was so lame. And she even led him on. Then he got crushed. It was more sad than anything.

2003-10-19 18:04:00 ET

so...over a year...hrm...*does math in head*
is one year greater than or less than three years?

and what if you make the move like four months in, get shot down cuz it turns out you're both moving, then you pine for a year, get a different girlfriend for a few months, then move to the state she moved to, only four hours away, then you call her and email her once in a while, then she moves into the city nearest you and you hang out all the time and you still never make another move?

2003-10-19 18:08:51 ET

That's also kinda sad, but I dunno your condition either. Is one of you taken? Or is there all this sexual tension between you two, except you don't do anything about it?

2003-10-19 18:12:28 ET

whoa that happened to me ben!!
i had a "thing" with a guy, but then i was going to move, and I didn't and he broke me...okay so not that bad
but still
yea...I neeeeeed to tell him
but I like him a whole lot as a friend, and I lost someone that way once
(by telling them how i really felt...grrrrr)
I am chicken shit

2003-10-19 18:13:04 ET

at first, it was that she was taken. by a complete asshole, for the record. then she broke it off with him when he "went to court. again." so i asked her to go to the prom with me. she accepted and about two weeks after prom, i asked her out and she asked me if i was joking. worst feeling ever, hearing that.

and i have sexual tension. i don't know what it's like for her, though. she's probably just piss-scared i might make a move.

2003-10-19 18:15:07 ET

Make your move. If it all goes wrong at least you can say you tried. Better than not trying at all. And I have to watcha movie now. I'll bb later.

2003-10-19 18:15:16 ET

Make your move. If it all goes wrong at least you can say you tried. Better than not trying at all. And I have to watcha movie now. I'll bb later.

2003-10-19 18:15:17 ET

Make your move. If it all goes wrong at least you can say you tried. Better than not trying at all. And I have to watcha movie now. I'll bb later.

2003-10-19 18:15:17 ET

Make your move. If it all goes wrong at least you can say you tried. Better than not trying at all. And I have to watcha movie now. I'll bb later.

2003-10-19 18:15:32 ET

Oops! Sorry.

2003-10-19 18:16:04 ET

I have the stupid sexual tension thing with waaaay too many people, most of us are chicken shit so...nothing ever happens.....gggggrrrrrrrr

2003-10-19 18:16:58 ET

whoa! lollirot queeen
do you want me to delete them?

2003-10-19 18:19:26 ET

if things go wrong, i also run the risk of losing the only real friend i have around these parts.

2003-10-19 18:22:35 ET

that sounds like it's sticky......

2003-10-19 18:24:38 ET


oh well...planning on spilling the beans this tuesday, barring her roommate being home. if that happens, oh man, i'm gonna be pissed.

although i do have a backup plan, i just realized. ah, no way it can't happen besides me being a pansyass once again.

2003-10-19 18:29:45 ET

okay, I will make a deal with you ben. If you tell your girl, I will tell my guy next weekend....
so you'd better do it..or not...yea...

2003-10-19 18:32:06 ET

i'm doin it. oh yes, i have a plan. now if only my stupid self-doubt would turn itself off for the few seconds it would take to say it.

2003-10-19 18:36:02 ET


2003-10-19 18:36:51 ET

if we both get denied, wanna go see a concert with me this weekend? i fear going alone.

2003-10-19 20:51:58 ET

good luck! *fingers crossed*

2003-10-20 17:19:30 ET

Yes, good luck. PLease delete all those extra posts. And you two better do it...or live in regret forever.

2003-10-20 18:14:11 ET

i'll spill my guts for you
it's only a day away


note to self: do not ever rework an annie song when trying to impress a girl.

2003-10-20 20:15:57 ET

i was just talking to her online. and guess who didn't say a damn thing about feelings?

online or phone telling sucks, anyway.

i'm seeing her tomorrow.

2003-10-20 20:23:13 ET

:O..tell us how it goes.

2003-10-20 20:27:01 ET

this is the official "ben's pathetic attempts at getting a girlfriend" entry.

2003-10-20 20:33:09 ET's ok. We're all prolly pathetic here. At least you're trying.

2003-10-20 22:01:00 ET

LOL okay. it's better in person anyway.

2003-10-21 17:41:41 ET

sure ben!!......but it's okay..we will do it damn it..we are not gutless.....we are full of kulture!!!!!!

2003-10-21 22:23:52 ET

well, i hung out with her all afternoon/night and just got back.

bah, worst thing that could have happened happened. we watched chasing amy. and by the time it was over, i had to leave. so it seemed like i was just rehashing the damn movie. gah. but i promised myself i'd say something tonight.

i didn't tell her how i felt, i just told her we should go out sometime.

"no, ben, no. just friends. really good friends."

i want to write her an email explaining things, but, gah, it won't do anything.

i mean, it's not like anything would really change. we go to movies together, clothes shopping, just sitting around, eating. what suddenly makes it not ok? the kissing me part? the part where she can't pretend she doesn't know me? i don't get it.

2003-10-22 08:27:38 ET


maybe she's not ready for the whole emotional attachment that comes along with it. or she's afraid of getting hurt, etc etc..
or she doesn't wanna lose you as a friend. ugh.. sucks.

2003-10-22 11:26:22 ET

oh man, well...maybe you should just let things go as they are going now...maybe she is just super lame...or like rebelina said... scared...fear does weird things to people

2003-10-22 17:39:13 ET

she does seem scared by the thought of us.

i dunno, one day maybe she'll think differently. maybe not. all i know is that right now, any girl i date will find her to be some fierce competition. read as: i won't be able to keep a relationship due to jealousy.


2003-10-23 15:57:33 ET

That seems a bit selfish. She's too scared to commit to anything with you, yet she turns into little miss jealous when someone else is in the picture. I say you should go out with someone else and then if she bitches at you question her. Cuz why else would she be such competition, and so concerned if it weren't for feelings. I dunno. I'm just trying to be creative or something. Try it. It might just work.

2003-10-23 16:59:34 ET

no, no, it's not her that gets jealous, it's whoever i end up dating. cuz i guess i'm constantly comparing them to her. yeah.

2003-10-23 18:42:32 ET

Oh, well you should try it anyway, and see if she gets jealous. You can always tell, even if it's very subtle.

2003-10-23 18:44:20 ET

do it ben!!!

2003-10-23 18:44:41 ET

i'm gonna sit her down and have a real conversation with her. maybe after the concert next weekend. maybe before. but i won't be seeing her again till that day, so yeah...

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