tired dreams tend to burn
2003-11-03 10:39:23 ET

I ran into an old ex of mine on saturday. He looked like utter shit. His face is sallow and hollow. He told me what he and my other old friends had been up to.
Over this past summer they all got very deep into snorting crystal.
I remember the days when they just smoked too much bud, when I tried to save them, when he told me that I was the only thing keeping him from trying something like heroin.
cried into stephanies lap.
Being unemotional for me just doesn't work.
I care too much
Seeing him like this made me so scared, so tired, so emtionally drained.
I lost him a long time ago, but I wish I could revive the person i met when I was a freshman, that ridiculously fun boy who wanted nothing more but to get in my pants.
that sweat talking shit head that my father hated so much
not this skinny meth head who can't string words together to form a sentence.
I thought, thats fucking it.
I will not let myself do that to anyone else.
to them-
I may not see you guys ever.
but I love you so much.
Please stop killing yourselves.
I am too young to go to another funeral.
I am too young to watch my friends go through rehab.
I am too young to see your face on the news.
I am too young to help you go to the bathroom.
And I am too young to visit you in a hospital.
I am sorry you can't hear how much I care.

2003-11-03 20:52:49 ET

yeah, i've seen that before, dealt with it before. it's never pretty. and that's why i don't do that shit. i've seen it ruin far too many lives.

2003-11-08 19:23:25 ET

The thing is, you can smoke, and drink, and do what you like without being an idiot. I respect that you don't want to anymore, I think it's a great choice. But don't worry too much about those of us who do. I'm not getting hooked on meth, and I doubt any of our mutual friends ar, either.

2003-11-08 19:23:31 ET


2003-11-08 20:05:40 ET

thanks rix, I know, I am just sick of watching that group of friends kill themselves
I tried to save them, and failed, now I just have to let go
but it's hard
this is just my way of dealing with it

2003-11-10 12:56:31 ET

And it's a better way of dealing than many have.

i can relate, man, I've watched countless great kids waste their lives, or lose them, over stupid shit. So if you want to make sure to be around for a while, I'm all for it. :-)

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