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2005-06-14 22:59:18 ET oh subkutures.... the only place I can submit my diary type thoughts to the internet without the worry of someone finding it and getting weird. copied from lj(tacky i know) I feel disconnected and defeated for so many different reasons things I felt just two weeks ago are not there now for whatever reasons people are simple mamals, so how do we make things so difficult for each other? is any one person capable of being honest to those they "care" about or even themselves? delusion is a much more content place than the truth I suppose. My 19th is coming up, yet I feel as though I am turning thirty. The passion and lust that I want to be feeling is muted by reason and caution. Perhaps I am all wrong and it just feels this way now, waiting it out is for the best or cutting it off now will prevent the disease from spreading. wish I knew how to tell someone I deeply fond of that I do not want to see them for a while, maybe a year or two so I can continue with what I had planned for myself. selfish, maybe. on a non angsty romance note I am enjoying reading lenin make fun of liberals of the early 20th century, they have so much in common with the lazy liberals of today. my account balance in now positive after much scrambling and soon I will have a rectangular piece of plastic to deepen my debt to those much more well off than myself. being a student I can have no or even bad credit and still get one. Imagine that! new to this! I don't want to love him, I don't want to like him I do and that is what kills me officially I am sleeping with two men, and I feel a bit like juggling they know, but I still have to be balanced... interesting |
