2005-07-27 03:45:11 ET|
Guys, I need some SERIOUS help.
But firstly, HOW IS EVERYBODY?? IVE BEEN GONE SO LONG.
Desert heat is DEFINATELY not what Ive been able to enjoy here. Yesterday it was 115F and unbearibly humid.
So where oh where have I been? I have been moving into a new condo, working, taking care of the baby cat, being pissed off at Oğuz, toying with the idea of marriage, trying to decide how to cut my hair, being depressed...
Things you should know to understand:
1. Oğuz's landlord came to his apartment and told him to get out. We'd been wanting to get an apartment together for a long time, the opportunity came, so we got it. It's a 3+1 condo. Im happy with it.
2. Before this, my cat had babies. One was still born, we thought the other 2 were strong and healthy, but poor little Zeki died ("genious" was his name). So now it's just Fifi and her little girl Fındık (Hazelnut) who feels the constant need to piss all over the kitchen floor. I clean that goddamn white floor at least 9 times a week... any kitty potty-training suggestions??
3. Oğuz has graduated, and 2 days later he left me alone with the new house to go do his "job". Let me say that again, he left me scared and pissed off in a strange place with 2 cats and a shitload of work to do in the house BY MYSELF (I carried an oak chest up an old wooden spiral staircase by myself and almost killed Fifi when I stepped on her).
4. Oğuz knew I was upset about this "job" and promised me he'd be home in 2 weeks (he HAD to go because his boss already wrote his name on the website as a tourguide). I told him "Oğuz, call your boss before you leave and let him know that you're only staying for two weeks. He needs to know before he writes you in for another tour...". Oğuz told me "no no I dont have to -- he's a cool guy.". So what does my dim-witted do?? He gets there, and his boss tells him "Oğuz, you're working for 4 months". Oğuz gives me the news, and I tell him to fuck off, never talk to me again for leaving me alone, not listening to me, and expecting sympathy and that if he wasnt home in 2 weeks, I would be leaving for America DIRECTLY for all of his emotional shit he's put me through (there's alot more from the start of my adventure in Turkey which I'll write about in my book SUBSONIC HOW ARE YOU??).
5. Oğuz said "ok, but now everybody is in difficulty because of me" and I said "you're the one who shit in everybody's mouth, not me. See you in 2 weeks, gerizekayla (retard).". I then called him back and told him "You seriously want to get married, but you can't handle commitment to people, friends, jobs, anything -- you have no skills to balance anything." (Harsh, I know, but this guy was raised in a village, knows nothing, and if he wants my love from now on he's gotta EARN it. KARAR verdim - I have DECIDED!)
6. And I continued (in Turkish -- which means I am VERY VERY upset)... "5 yıl şehiride yaşıyorsun ve iş dünyasıda HİÇ bir şey bilmiyorsun. Aile nasıl olacak?? Sana ÇOK kızgınım, ne kadar bilmiyorsun. Sen aptal DEĞİLSİN - sen cahilsin. Ve hayatımda o kelime HİÇ kullanmadım -- eğer bir insan o kelime gereksiz kullanarsa, ona NEFRET ederim, ama biz şanslıyız gereğimiz var! Sana patronuna telefon et dedim, bana fark etmedin. Herkeze siçtin. Patronunun ağızıya sıçtın, touristlerini ağızlarıya sıçtın, ve BENİM AĞIZIMA SIÇTIN. Afferin, Oğuz. Niçin HİÇ düşünmüyorsun?? Zekilik sana OLMUYOR, NİÇİN?? Ben karar verdim. Turlara git -- sadece 1 ay boyunca. Bir tur yap, 2-3 gün için eve dön, tekrar Kapidokya'ya geri git, ve evimize gel sonsuza kadar. En son gelmeğinden sonra sen güzel elbiseler işin için alacaksın, kendine iyi bakacaksın, GERÇEK bir iş bulacaksın, ve AİLEME VE BANA ÇOK ÜZGÜNÜM değeceksin çünkü ailem duğunımıza lanet ettiler. Ondan sonra, bana söz vereceksin -- hayatında sen HİÇ rehberlik boktan parayı için yapmacaksın. Eğer beni istiyorsan, SAĞLAMASINI yapacaksın.
TRANSLATION: "you know NOTHING about finding a job and you've lived in the city for 5 years. How are you going to support a family? I am SO angry at you, you have no idea. You are NOT stupid -- you're ignorant. And I've never used that word in my LIFE -- I HATE people who use the word ignorant without need, luckily for us its needed! I told you to call your boss, you didnt listen to me. Now you've fucked everything up. You fucked everything up for your boss, everything for the future tourists, and you've fucked up all of my feelings for you. Well done, Oğuz. Why dont you think?? Why cant you be logical??? I've made a decision. You go on our tours -- for one month only. You do one tour, come back for 2 or 3 days, and then go back to Cappidocia, and then come back perminately. When you come back you will buy work appropiate clothing, start taking care of yourself, find a REAL job, and APOLOGİZE TO MYSELF AND MY FAMILY who are VERY VERY upset at you and have damned our wedding. After that, you will promise me that you will NEVER do tourguide work again for the very small, shitty amount of money that you could easily earn here. If you want me, you have to prove it."
7. Oğuz said "thank you thank you baby I'll make it all up to you you'll see I love you so much Karım benim (my beautiful wife -- little ass-kisser). You'll see everything will be fine I love you I love you muuah muuah ohhhhhhhhh I'll do it yes!".
8. So where does that leave me? Heartbroken, demanding an apology, not trusting Oğuz with anything, wanting to get married to him because he's such a good person, but knowing that it may not be a good idea because he's acted like an idiot. If his actions speak for the future, I do not want this future with him. But how can I say it?? Ive dropped hints before this whole mess and Ive been kind, polite, super nice -- Ive kicked him in the ass, as you can see... and I'm not so sure that the future is going to be so bright -- but I WANT it to be.
9. Really, maybe none of my being pissed-offness isnt making sense to anybody. Here's a detail -- I spent ALL of my plane ticket money to go to America on this goddamn house. So now Oğuz has left me alone, and I have NOBODY. we had agreed he wouldnt go so I would be alone, but he left. If I had known he was leaving, I would be in America RIGHT NOW. Stupid mother fucker.
So now, what do I do??? Relationship help anybody??? God I just started to cry.
ps -- a big thx to klemmy for the comment and to innerbeauty for the kitty pics! :)