up until 7th grade I was always at least three grades ahead academically ( and I probably didnt spell that right). so I always tried as hard as I could to be average, I would get c's and d's in easy classes because that made me normal and not at all over average. then there was always the standarized testing which would always show that I was "smart". well, I have reached my goal and am now average. it isnt as nice as I thought it would be.
My mother went through high school stoned and didnt take her ACT until after she had me and needed to go to college. she scored a 21. therefore, I went into it thinking it would be no problem for someone who has never done badly on a state test. I got my score back and I got a 22. 1 point higher than a stoned dropout with a kid. Im in the 74 percentile, middle average. middle fucking average.
it isnt fucking fair. everyone can be good at something. there isnt a single person I have ever met that doesnt do something well. I feel like the only fucking human on the planet who really, seriously has nothing to boast about. even idiots can say they wrestle really well or can dance well, or maybe they can fix a transmission while you wait. but me, Im and idiot with no athletic ability, no special inherent skill nothing that I can take to in order to make myself feel important.
so, now, Im going to go and sew my pity letters (cross country...the team where everyone wins... kinda like special olympics) onto a blanket I got for "not failing anything"
this should make me feel a bit better... sorry, you really shouldnt have read all this.
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