2002-09-07 13:54:24 ET|
the other day something very curious happened to me... three of the investment firm guys in my bank pulled me aside (i'm one of only three ppl in a branch of 40 licensed to sell investments).. i had to go b/c my break was over but they said it was ok and not to worry they'd see to it i didnt get in trouble. then they shut the breakroom door behind them.. so there i am sitting at a table with a cliche overhead lamp swinging like in a gangster movie. and they told me how important it was that i was licensed, and that if i could make the insurance numbers happen they would see to it that 'no one could fuck with me'. keep in mind i've only been there three weeks. i pointed that out and they said that it didnt matter how long the others had been there (some of them working for the company longer than i've been alive) as long as i made the numbers work they would speak to joe (the bank manager) and see to it that i will be 'taken care of'.. and what happens if i dont make my numbers i wonder? do i get shot and dumped out of a car on some remote part of the Long Island Expressway?
---meanwhile outside of the corporate world---
sorry for the long miserable rant in the previous entry.. but i am actually *using* my sketchbook.. although the only nearby victims are sleeping.. i had gotten to the point that it doesnt matter what exactly i draw or even if it sucks, just as long as i keep the lines up and running. someone told me the other night in the park that the cure for writers block was just to keep going, doing anything at all.. and i guess my biggest problem (in writing art, and even music) has been fear. but there comes a time when you have to choose whats more important to you, fear or beauty. i just hope that i have the character it takes to choose beauty on a consistent basis. thats why i would, in my ideal of ideal futures, not be an evil CEO for a big company (though that may very well be where i'm headed) but a mild mannered comic book artist.
im upstate again for the weekend. more of the same. today is so beautiful it feels hallucinatory. the sky is crystal and the temperature perfect, the roads littered with greenery. it rained too much to go to playland last weekend so we're trying again tomorrow. i plan on dressing corporate-40's gangster style to club to celebrate the creepy scene i could only describe as an 'initiation'.. i cant wait for all the 'rivets' to make fun of me. fuckers. they won't be laughing ten years from now.
<death by design>
OH YEAH in case i forget.. anyone who gets a chance should watch 'reanimate' its an 80s rendition of an HP Lovecraft story.. and its so tasteless i loved it. every tasteless thing i wanted them to do they did. even when i was like 'yeah, the headless guy should touch her boobies and get blood on them !!' they *did* it!!! it made me so happy..