maybe i've been watching too much gangster films but...
2002-09-07 13:54:24 ET

the other day something very curious happened to me... three of the investment firm guys in my bank pulled me aside (i'm one of only three ppl in a branch of 40 licensed to sell investments).. i had to go b/c my break was over but they said it was ok and not to worry they'd see to it i didnt get in trouble. then they shut the breakroom door behind them.. so there i am sitting at a table with a cliche overhead lamp swinging like in a gangster movie. and they told me how important it was that i was licensed, and that if i could make the insurance numbers happen they would see to it that 'no one could fuck with me'. keep in mind i've only been there three weeks. i pointed that out and they said that it didnt matter how long the others had been there (some of them working for the company longer than i've been alive) as long as i made the numbers work they would speak to joe (the bank manager) and see to it that i will be 'taken care of'.. and what happens if i dont make my numbers i wonder? do i get shot and dumped out of a car on some remote part of the Long Island Expressway?
---meanwhile outside of the corporate world---
sorry for the long miserable rant in the previous entry.. but i am actually *using* my sketchbook.. although the only nearby victims are sleeping.. i had gotten to the point that it doesnt matter what exactly i draw or even if it sucks, just as long as i keep the lines up and running. someone told me the other night in the park that the cure for writers block was just to keep going, doing anything at all.. and i guess my biggest problem (in writing art, and even music) has been fear. but there comes a time when you have to choose whats more important to you, fear or beauty. i just hope that i have the character it takes to choose beauty on a consistent basis. thats why i would, in my ideal of ideal futures, not be an evil CEO for a big company (though that may very well be where i'm headed) but a mild mannered comic book artist.
im upstate again for the weekend. more of the same. today is so beautiful it feels hallucinatory. the sky is crystal and the temperature perfect, the roads littered with greenery. it rained too much to go to playland last weekend so we're trying again tomorrow. i plan on dressing corporate-40's gangster style to club to celebrate the creepy scene i could only describe as an 'initiation'.. i cant wait for all the 'rivets' to make fun of me. fuckers. they won't be laughing ten years from now.

later kids

<death by design>

OH YEAH in case i forget.. anyone who gets a chance should watch 'reanimate' its an 80s rendition of an HP Lovecraft story.. and its so tasteless i loved it. every tasteless thing i wanted them to do they did. even when i was like 'yeah, the headless guy should touch her boobies and get blood on them !!' they *did* it!!! it made me so happy..

2002-09-07 13:58:05 ET

Wow! What an exciting life you lead!

2002-09-07 14:43:54 ET

glad you had a more beautiful day

2002-09-07 15:53:30 ET

:) I'd love to see some of your work!

2002-09-07 16:34:46 ET

oh yes, me too.

2002-09-07 16:56:27 ET

writers block is a ver dificult thing, went almost a year once... hen breaking up with a long-time girlfriend(almost 2 years)... just started writing again...

figured it out.. when ever you have a block, just second guess guess some of your instincts.. not all... it'll lead you on a different path naturally seeing different things...

PS. wish the auroa borialis was that bright when I saw it.. but then.. it was more red and purple around Alaska way

2002-09-07 20:05:24 ET

you should try to rent a movie called Dagon - it's some weird HP Lovecraft spin-off that was made recently, it's like resident evil with fish people, but on a cheesy level like evil dead 2. there's a part where the "hero" beats a fishperson down w/ a cell phone. it's great!
and yeah - let's see some of that work.

2002-09-09 13:04:27 ET

about the sketchbook: I do the exact same thing, just get it out a few times a day and draw whatever comes first into my sight. As long as i keep going, it doesn't really matter for me what i draw.

2002-09-10 03:19:39 ET

I love that movie, and incase someone goes asking for it, the title is "The Re-Animator" and yes it is damn tasteless... especially the severed head doctor still attempting to mack down on that girl, there are a few sequels too. Oh and the other H.P. LoveCraft movie that Defektiv is talking about, "Dagon" is a pretty creepy little movie, with face peeling goodness, and some humor too. Definitely worth renting.

Anything that has Cthulian squidly shambling goodness is sweet!

okay okay, so Im a lovecraft/horror geek... but I love it.

As for your film noir-ish experience, hey maybe it should inspire you, yes?

-The Joker

2002-09-10 07:53:50 ET

Film noir = excellent.

2002-09-10 14:05:55 ET

hehe ov course it inspired me, my incident... Joker: yeah the headless guy on the boobies rocked!

rudeboy: i didnt think my life was that interesting.. it just sounds better on paper i guess? i kind of feel like charlie sheen from wall street..

beh! i left my sketchbook up at my friends house.. frustrating. i spent like a half hour on the train just trying to get the bottom half of a character right.. i know i could have used a photo reference but i'll never learn if i keep doing that. or maybe i'll learn better . i dont know

as for the film noir. i have this idea for a series of pictures.. that are about a robbery going wrong, all stark black /white and inked. two characters, masks, guns, white collar shirts w/suspenders... maybe a set of pics of different frozen in time moments of disaster. i.e. robber #2 gunned down in the hotel lobby with the suitcase of cash and the look on her face as robber #1 looks on... i've been meaning to get my website back up and running so i could post some art...

2002-09-10 16:46:41 ET

Wow that sounds so cool! I love neo-noir. I drew somefin cool, inspired by Noa's idea to make a graphic novel out of Gibson's Neuromancer.. SO I drew this cyber-rivet-with-a-gun-and-an-attitude ... I can't FTP to my site yet (though it's finally up! w00t! ) but when I'll be able to I'll post it.. It's very blade runner. (*yum!*)

2002-09-11 16:32:45 ET

cool. please do :)

2002-09-12 06:54:54 ET

link's on my page.

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