2003-01-14 19:07:13 ET

an image, burning, and a hole in my stomach
twenty degrees of separation
twenty blueprints to beat myself against
twenty dollars to divide us
and an hour and a half to draw us back in:

i am shaking right now and i cannot eat i only hope that this lack of appetite continues, and the bleeding too for that matter: and that i end up as lean and cold as the rails beneath this train.

2003-01-14 19:18:42 ET


2003-01-14 19:19:18 ET

A poem I wrote for an ex long, long ago:


I lie in the field,
The raindrops falling
On my face.

The gray sky is surreal,
Naturally soothing.

Each drop of rain is meaningless
They fall and fall
But I feel nothing

I am focused
On the last patch of sunlight
Shining through the clouded sky.

As I see it, I think of you.
My last bit of shining light
In the clouded skies of life.

Suddenly I want the light to stay
As much as I want you to stay
But both are slipping away from me.

I want to hold on, but I
Am helpless as both fade more and more
I do not want this...

One distinctive droplet
Warm as it trails the contour of my cheek
Not a raindrop...

Many tears fall from my eyes.
The sunlight is lost behind the clouds.
There is nothing left.

Should you slip away forever
The skies within will be a permament gray
The light never to return

The nights alone
Crying tears of pain and emptiness
I need this light...I need you.

---It's pathetic, I know, but I wrote it in eighth grade. Brings back memories.

2003-01-14 19:21:19 ET

i wrote that before hope slipped through my fingers and back into the ocean of lies from which it came:

2003-01-14 19:23:53 ET

awww thats actually very beautiful RedStar...

"Suddenly I want the light to stay
As much as I want you to stay
But both are slipping away from me."

i fought tears as i read that. i didnt think there were more but here they are the uninvited guests

2003-01-14 19:34:52 ET

Something relevant as well:

untitled # 16 (september 2002)

You refuse to speak of it
As if by saying the words
You give it a validity it does not deserve
And so you sit in cold silence
The dead space of your judgment looms around us
As you walk this path that you have chosen
Divergent from me
Your truth and mine are different
More different with each passing day
And your words melt like snowflakes
Tomorrow they mean nothing

2003-01-14 20:25:18 ET

no more
ties cut
faith broken

tried to play nice.
don't bother.

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