Satanic Ritual of the Hot Fudge Sundae
2005-02-09 15:01:56 ET

I found this in one of Das Boyfriend's Satanic publications. I found it amusing enough to post on here. I tried looking for a copy of it online, since copying and pasting is just well, easier, but alas no luck. So, I am typing it out by hand.

The Hot Fudge Sundae is one of the most Satanic things in the mundane world. Lust, gluttony, strength, will, man, beast,fire,ice and air - -it is all here wrapped up in sweet indulgence. That it's very name is a perversion of the Christian worship day makes it all the more perfect for our nefarious purposes.

"With my hand do I now draw out the milk of a bovine beast of the field, frozen by ice of the northwind. The white color recalls the poisoning of the beast and field by false white light religion. Three times do I dip my steel and oull forth the cream in remembrance of the vile trinity choking the earth."

[Scoop out 3 dips of vanilla ice cream as you say this]

Now let the darkness of Satan pour forth and cover the frozen orbs in blackness. Heated in the fires of Hell, the black blood of Satan, sweet and sensual, flows and spreads."

[Heat some chocolate syrup with either a black candle or a microwave oven. Then pour it on the ice cream as you say this.]

"To add my strength to the dish, I crush the nuts mixing my own power with the fruit of the soil."

[Crush peanuts as you say this]

"To add my will to the dish, I cut with my vengeful dagger the fruit of the soil."

[Using a ceremonial dagger or common kitchen knife, slice up banana as you say this]

"As ice freezes the milk of the beast; as fire heats the sweet blood of Satan;as earth nurtures the fruits;now comes air mixed with the life-giving milk of the beast. Shemhamforash!The elements are joined as one!"

[Apply whipped cream as you say this. The canned sort works best because it is loud. With a noisy flourish you can spray the whipped cream with a spin of your wrist and simultaneously proclaim "Shemhamforash," Magical!]

"Above it all floats the red, wet symbol of cranal rapture. The virginal cherry reclines in her bed, presented for consumption by lustful desire that is the drive of life."

[Perch a cherry on top as you say this. Then hold the sundae up with both hands at eye-level and say...]

"Behold, all you false gods, THIS is the reason we live!"

"And so it is done."


2005-02-09 15:35:11 ET

Oh my. How delightfully sinful!

2005-02-23 20:19:36 ET

ok now thats what I call "edutainment"

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