the silence kills me sometimes

el gooche 2005-07-26 18:47:16 ET ya know, i really wish i could start feeling better, i still don't know what's wrong. =s hopefully i'll be able to do something this weekend that will change the way i think, but something tells me it won't. for once i wish everyone and everything could just come together happily and harmonically, there's so much frustration and hate around me right now and i'm getting sick of it, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. it's making me sick and people need to quit being babies about everything and just fucking grow up. i'm probably not going to paintball this weekend but i'll definetly watch if anyone is playing, which i doubt, but anyway, i just wanted to rant on here for a few minutes, and wish for the old days when i was happy. and i really wish for newer days when i'll be happy, i know it's a matter of waiting, but as numb said in one of her comments 'why can't it happen now, dammit.'.....*sigh* shit happens, then you die.

Armored Fanatic 2005-07-26 21:39:00 ET man i wish you would let me know whats going on, why is there so much frustration and stuff in yor life right now? whos being a baby? why are you not going to play pball this weekend? does it have to do with all this? if u cant play this weekend and k and j arnt going to play then there isnt any reason to play, i would rather save that money for later anyways. Just lemme know if u need to talk to someone ok man?

el gooche 2005-07-27 06:44:24 ET brad, i dont' know how to word it....if i did i wouldn't, but i really don't know. i just wish we could all get together again, no excuses, i don't care about someone's car, someone's house, or anything, i'll pick everyone up no questions asked. i just want to hang out and be happy like everyone used to do, this excuse shit has got to stop, and another thing i addressed, is my family i hate them, and i want away, but again, i can't get away.

UnLabeled 2005-07-28 04:34:13 ET no one is to take this offensively but i'm giving my opinion on the situation. I...will not stay at other peoples house unless I have a way to up and leave when I want to. Lately we've all been pretty tense and I refuse to go stay with someone when I can't get up and leave if something were to happen. I'm sorry if that bothers anyone but it's the truth. I don't feel comfortable without having a way to go when I need to. I love you both, but that's how I feel and I can't help that. As for paintball this weekend, I don't even have gas money for next week so I can't get air. I have balls (heh) but no air. I'm sorry if anyone took offense to this, but that's just how I feel.

el gooche 2005-07-28 05:32:03 ET there's no offense to be taken, but don't you think that if you were ready to go, you'd say 'ok james, let's hit it' and i'd say 'ok kansas, lets go.' and i'd take you home, i don't care...it's not taking advantage if i don't mind.

UnLabeled 2005-07-28 05:34:46 ET Yeah but half the time you's as broke as I am, and don't have the gas to get up and go. A'member? I can't just say "Okay James, I gotta go home" and leave you with not enough gas for work back and forth...and What happens if you and I get into it.... =) i'm sure you'll be willing to take me home then huh? *nudge*

UnLabeled 2005-07-28 05:34:59 ET and stop calling me Kansas

el gooche 2005-07-28 05:37:55 ET i would, yes. and what's the problem with kansas? lol

UnLabeled 2005-07-28 05:40:31 ET I hate it....people called me that in middle school *growl* I'm just not comfortable being able to take myself home if we were all to get into something. I don't like being uncomfortable. You know I love you guys.

el gooche 2005-07-28 05:55:29 ET but whyyyyy won't you just shut up and hang out with us, we did for you so many weekends in a row.

el gooche 2005-07-28 05:55:47 ET and sorry gnandess

el gooche 2005-07-28 06:01:25 ET AND, when have we ever gotten into it that lasted longer than maybe...fifteen minutes? you know that me and josh don't get into that fighting deal when it was a knock down drag out between you and brad, me and josh were sitting there waiting for you guys to make and kiss up.

UnLabeled 2005-07-28 07:19:23 ET and we didn't, i punched a car and broke my hand, and went to bed....If that were to happen at Brads house with me with no car...I'd be REALLY uncomfortable. I've never been able to go to someones house without driving myself. I was the same way when i went to sarahs a lot. It's nothing against you or Brad, it's just how I am about that sort of thing.

el gooche 2005-07-28 08:16:44 ET fine. the more i beg, and the more i offer seems the more excuses i hear, so to ex the excuses i'm stopping.

UnLabeled 2005-07-28 09:03:42 ET It's not an excuse....it's my REASON. I have a car, then fine, i'll be there, we'll hang out, we'll all have fun...

el gooche 2005-07-28 09:52:05 ET ok.

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