home, or at least i think it is
2004-02-22 02:56:26 ET

wow, im back in japan. australia was kewl, at least the part i remember about it (fricken blackouts.....like im gonna blame the beer...). unfourtunatley (baad speeling agan;) I had way to much time to think down there, and you know what thinking leads to.

I hate myself and everything I have become. I have become nothing more than a face and a number to the goverment, another mindless body devoted to an invisible cause that most people dont even have a comprehension of (present company excluded, of course). I gave up everthing I had to serve a country that I dont even have a shred of compassion and caring for. Every-fucking-thing. Most of all, the one thing I lost above all is the one thing I know I can never have back. I turned my back in the hopes that it would give us secure future, and yet all I did was lose it and the person that I was. I dont even know who I am anymore. I look at myself in the mirror and realize that the uniform I wear has taken away the simple thing that I had worn it for. And now, if I even speak up for what I do believe in and be the person I am, once again I lose what little shred of a person and life I have. I feel like a prisoner in my own life. God bless the fucking military, my ever present torment...

2004-02-22 03:02:52 ET

too drunbk to read the rest,

but i am soo mivjng to japan.

oh and nice name.

wasted, forgotten, rotton yeh

2004-02-22 09:45:28 ET


I am quite speechless at what to say other than I am really sorry to hear that you feel like this and wish I could bring some sort of comfort. xoxo. Its good to realize where you stand though. Good to see even the shitiest sides of where you stand in life. Hardest part I guess is to find direction of where to lean against thereafter. I found what you said to be very bold and actually pretty fucking beautiful.

Dont lose it mr. Hang in there for things dont last forever.

  Return to forgotton youth's page