2005-08-04 10:58:07 ET

This week's horoscope:

Aries: (March 21—April 19)
Your habit of falling out of trees, attempting to hide behind signposts, and following three feet behind people in broad daylight will force the government to adopt stricter ninja-certification standards.

2005-08-05 04:52:05 ET

Two months and this is your update?????

2005-08-14 13:39:02 ET

Good God, Jen. You could have sent me an email in the time it took to type that! Why don't you write anymore? Have you been getting my emails?

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