2003-07-03 18:17:04 ET

today i think i want to die. i am so tired from working so much but never getting anywhere. i will never be good enough for anyone. i feel like shit every day of my life. i have no self esteem anymore...and i workd so hard to repair the damage that had been done in the past and over the past 4 months anything thing good i have felt about myself has been sucked away and i am not sure why. i do not like myself because there is no reason to. everyone hates me. i am not terribly intelligent and not much to look at...i have nothing of value to offer anymore. i do not think i have ever felt this bad in my entire life. i am so lonely. i feel very empty and insignificant. there is a big void in my life. i can't do anything about this. and even though i want to die, i can't. i have too much debt and i don't want my mother to get stuck paying it because sometimes my mom is the only light i can see. i just wish i could visit her. i am lost without her. i want to go home.

2003-07-03 21:02:48 ET

how's the band going?

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