2003-09-24 06:53:55 ET

I must say, joining this site was one of the hardest i ever had to TRY to be disappointed and ignored... It seemed like a warm welcome, but i guess that's the way it goes..... If i wanted to talk to myself, well, i'd just be myself, i don't need any help from some website to do that.... oh joy, oh joy... and to think i did this to make friends... i haven't conversed with one single person i didn't know BEFORE my membership on here... ...just kind of makes everything you do seem a little futile....

Bottom Drawer of Broken Promises

I have a bottom drawer full of broken promises of love, eternal or otherwise…
I have a thousand memories of intimate moments that lay broken and shattered on the ground of my psyche… I keep both groups as souvenirs, just like one keeps the ashes of a dead loved one, or a jar of soil from one’s native country to which they can never return. What is it about love that makes it both the best and worst experiences in our lives? Your most passionate relationship becomes your greatest heartbreak, and yet, years later, you would gladly go through it all again just to be back where you once were.

All the one's I've ever fell for are embedded in the fabric of my soul. I am unable to free myself from the loss of love, because I am unable to free myself from my own heart and soul. You cannot run from your own feelings, from your own memories… When you love someone so much that they become a part of you, you cannot rid yourself of them. It as if once the poison is in the blood it is never metabolized out, that it stays within the system until death. The only way to eliminate the pathogen is to eliminate the patient.

Am I just a hopeless romantic, a sentimental fool to try not to believe the Buddhist teachings on desire? Am I just being stubborn, stupid, or both when I seek happiness through love rather than through the willful, and deliberate destruction of my desires and attachments? Is it impossible to want to be loved and to want to be Enlightened at the same time? Are they a contradiction? My heart and soul have been crushed, my hopes trampled. What is a poor and weary man like I to do? Should I try to go on seeking love, or stick my feelings in the bottom drawer with all those broken promises?


2003-09-24 07:07:30 ET

sorry i would be more talkative to ya... but i haven't been on to see your posts up... :-\...
(tis a hopeless romantic myself... crazy stuff) O_o

2003-09-24 09:44:23 ET

Awwee dear! *hugs*

2003-09-24 14:25:37 ET

Sam... you're georgous. And you have georgous hands as well.

Your writing is beautiful, although sad. I'll keep a better eye out for your new posts from now on. ^^ *hugs*

2003-09-24 19:11:23 ET


some of us just lurk.

2003-09-24 19:12:27 ET

Yes...sky lurked in my old journal...only now does she really respond.

2003-09-24 21:53:20 ET

yeah, just because people dont respond doesnt mean they arnt reading, or care and what not. Don't despair! Give us more time.

2003-09-24 21:54:53 ET

It took me a few months before I made friends here. I finally figured out that posting comments on other peoples pages did generally generate responses on my own page.

2003-09-24 21:55:52 ET

yea i've made some good ones so far... i'm very glad i'm here :-)

2003-09-25 19:32:09 ET

AG- man ur like in EVERY journal... heh
i thought u were kind of pretentious at first... but your' cool... we're alike in a good bunch of ways...
hopless romantics 4EVER!
hang in their sam... your' cool.
::add's sam to already way too huge friends list::

2003-09-29 06:27:32 ET

Your monty python stuffs are the shiznit or some other hip term describing spiffyness

2003-10-01 21:24:16 ET


2003-10-02 09:12:43 ET

Its the dramatic disappearence. He has been busy and hasn't had time to update...or at that doesn't really want to update.

2003-10-02 09:15:33 ET

yea i'm not too sure which one it could be... sort of have a feeling he left us... cause we weren't bein' talkative enough :'(

2003-10-02 10:44:16 ET

No, he didn't leave...otherwise he would delete is account. I know for a fact he is busy...cause he mentioned to me that he has not had the time to make it onto sk.net.

2003-10-14 15:41:46 ET

im a lurker, one of the worst types thats too afriad to say stuff for fear of making an idiot of said self

2003-10-14 17:12:45 ET

I do that fairly often, or just end up saying something stupid heh

2003-10-14 18:10:12 ET

unless i know someone really well...im usually ignored, i quit posting on people i didn't know a decent amount for a while

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