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2003-09-24 06:53:55 ET I must say, joining this site was one of the hardest i ever had to TRY to be disappointed and ignored... It seemed like a warm welcome, but i guess that's the way it goes..... If i wanted to talk to myself, well, i'd just be myself, i don't need any help from some website to do that.... oh joy, oh joy... and to think i did this to make friends... i haven't conversed with one single person i didn't know BEFORE my membership on here... ...just kind of makes everything you do seem a little futile.... Bottom Drawer of Broken Promises I have a bottom drawer full of broken promises of love, eternal or otherwise… I have a thousand memories of intimate moments that lay broken and shattered on the ground of my psyche… I keep both groups as souvenirs, just like one keeps the ashes of a dead loved one, or a jar of soil from one’s native country to which they can never return. What is it about love that makes it both the best and worst experiences in our lives? Your most passionate relationship becomes your greatest heartbreak, and yet, years later, you would gladly go through it all again just to be back where you once were. All the one's I've ever fell for are embedded in the fabric of my soul. I am unable to free myself from the loss of love, because I am unable to free myself from my own heart and soul. You cannot run from your own feelings, from your own memories… When you love someone so much that they become a part of you, you cannot rid yourself of them. It as if once the poison is in the blood it is never metabolized out, that it stays within the system until death. The only way to eliminate the pathogen is to eliminate the patient. Am I just a hopeless romantic, a sentimental fool to try not to believe the Buddhist teachings on desire? Am I just being stubborn, stupid, or both when I seek happiness through love rather than through the willful, and deliberate destruction of my desires and attachments? Is it impossible to want to be loved and to want to be Enlightened at the same time? Are they a contradiction? My heart and soul have been crushed, my hopes trampled. What is a poor and weary man like I to do? Should I try to go on seeking love, or stick my feelings in the bottom drawer with all those broken promises? :::finis::: -S |
