2005-09-20 18:02:20 ET|
Im so scared...i really am, im so afraid to be alone, with out any one there with me....im in a place right now that i dont need to be in,i wish it would all just fucking go away. im not perfect, im not number fuckin one, im not a fuckin 4.0 gps, i took my fucking ged, i went to beauty school and now im not to damn sure i even WANT TO DO IT! im being pressured by my family who thinks im not only the black sleep of the family but also a failure...wants me to do everything knowing i cant. i dont have a licence, i have no money, no job, nothing i have nothing to keep me up. Im alone...thats so sad..its like when ur sitting in a room and all u see is black..yeah thats how im feeling.even to repress my anger a little bit i have to pull my hair..by the time im fuckin 20 i wont have ne hair. I smoke.....i have tattoos, i do drugs....im fat....i swear i have to fucking repeat my self to eveybody...i hate that.
Every one wants me to be the one that they can come to and i just listen to them bitch about their probmlems..but yet when i have something to say....i get nothing....silence. im to emotional..i cry all the time..i love having my makeup run down my face...i am done. im so done. I dont want to give up i dont, but what other option do i have. none. I feel as if me telling ppl this they would understand...but all i fucking do is bitch about the same fucking thing....but i dont fucking know any more...why dose it have to be so bad all the time.... Im tired of the lies every person i come in to contact with lies to me....I dont lie I have no reason to..i dont know......
I think im gonna go watch adult swim.......cartoons make me happy.....sometimes... *sighs*