2003-11-05 22:07:46 ET

I'm in Seattle right now, on bidness, and generally living the Sexy Unix Lifestyle[tm] (it's true, such a lifestyle exists. I wouldn't believe it either) and it appears I've discovered a new "technique" (all physical) for invoking self love. After all these years, I'd thought I'd done it all...

2003-11-06 04:29:57 ET

i have to ask about the "self love" for the sexy unix lifestyler....

2003-11-06 05:59:53 ET


2003-11-06 15:49:02 ET

self love...hmm.....what could this technique be...

2003-11-06 21:37:36 ET

It's hard to describe. But instead of jerking, or "fucking the fist", it involves flopping it back and forth. Sounds strange, feels stranger, but works like a charm.

2003-11-06 21:38:33 ET

There is one better

2003-11-06 21:39:59 ET

Does it involve hammering a nail through it? Because I've tried that. Didn't work.

2003-11-06 21:47:39 ET

Nope, a technique so good that I haven't used the fist in years

2003-11-06 21:49:22 ET

Then tell us!

2003-11-06 21:54:45 ET

I can't it might end up in your comic then everyone would know.
I've passed up sex three times in the last month if that tells you anything. Once this info got out what are the girls going to do?

2003-11-06 21:55:19 ET

Screw the girls (metaphorically), I want to know.

2003-11-06 22:26:34 ET

If you got a small dick I guess this doesn’t work. But for 8”+ it works great
Lie on your back and cross your ankles near your feet, (dominate leg on top [important])
Lay your shaft parallel to your legs, then lay your hand on top, keep your hand flat and gently press your dick down in-between your thighs, don’t burry it, just down a little. Once the lower half of your shaft is between your legs, press your thighs together applying just a little more pressure. You should still have your hand on your dick. Keeping pressure on the top of your cock slide your hand straight back. This should pull your dick out from between your legs. The trick is to maintain a static coefficient of friction on your hand that is greater than the kinetic friction on your legs. Think of your dick as a cooking knife, you are NOT stabbing your legs, it is more of a chop.
Repeat as necessary. You will develop a circular motion with your legs of applying pressure and releasing. Enjoy.

2003-11-07 00:31:43 ET

oh my i am so frightened

but that sounds so funny to watch.....


2003-11-07 03:37:53 ET

wow. you kids put a lot of effort into this. How come when I masturbate it doesn’t seem like nearly the art that you all have made it?

2003-11-07 03:59:19 ET

I thought Girls had it easy

2003-11-07 04:02:33 ET

we do, i suppose thats why its less of an artform, less planning?

2003-11-07 04:05:47 ET

I don't think it is less planning. I know girls that will plan self pleasure a day in advance. They'll pick the right music, eat a nice dinner, lite candles...

2003-11-07 04:16:05 ET

wow. Ok, maybe I'm just the odd one out then because i have NEVER put that much thought into it.

2003-11-07 05:11:21 ET

nah not me either.... :P

2003-11-19 05:11:32 ET

alice - hahahaha.

2003-11-19 05:26:27 ET

im so glad someone commented on this..i wanted to print it out for a friend of mine who spends as much time getting himself worked up but then i couldn't remember where the thread was... anyhoo i told him about this technique and thought he would be the one to try it out...will report back ;)

2003-11-19 05:27:35 ET

*cracks up* i cant even figure out how that works.

2003-11-19 05:29:07 ET

i was trying to picture it...but what i saw in my head was rather frightening....

2003-11-19 05:29:33 ET

yeah - i think the imaging aspect would be a little too weird for me. so i skipped that part.

on to class! aloha.

2003-11-19 05:31:37 ET

it's the chopping thing that makes me think...

2003-11-19 05:33:10 ET

yeah...i dont know.....

2003-11-19 05:35:39 ET

being an artist im very visual and i just keep seeing someone whacking themself with in choppin nutz on a cutting board

2003-11-19 06:33:50 ET

i'm an artist as well. i just choose what to visualize.

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