2003-03-05 12:12:00 ET|
I love sluts. No, seriously. I'm not being facetious. I really do love them.
I think too many people think they need to be in relationships. The pressure, both external and internal, from both contemporary culture and sub cultures, can be overwhelming. I constantly have people asking me: "Don't you just want someone to love? Do you get lonely?"
My answer is always the same. A resounding fuck no. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy the company of others. I enjoy a little romance. I enjoy the time spent with people of my sexual preference (which happens to be women... yes ladies, I'm talking to you), both naked and non-naked activities.
But having a girlfriend and/or a "soulmate" sounds as appealing to me as stapling my dick to a burning building. First of all, too much drama is typically involved. I’m not here to validate anyone’s existence and I sure as hell don’t need anyone to validate mine. I’m very independent, and I’m a very complete person by myself.
One argument I often hear is that casual sexual relationships (and I’m talking about all sexual activity, not just the old in-out, in-out) is that it cheapens the whole experience. To that I counter: Having a boyfriend/girlfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend/girlfriend is just as cheap, if not cheaper. A straight-up strongly sexual casual relationship can be very honest, much more so than those desperate for a girlfriend/boyfriend. They want someone because they are lonely, not because the other person impassions them in some way. So desperate for companionship, they’ll take any old warm body and slap the relationship label on them. To me, that cheapens the entire experience.
I think too many people are in relationships for the wrong reasons. There’s a disturbing practice with some women that I’ve noticed, where they live their lives through their boyfriends/husbands. When asked how they’re doing, they list their boyfriend’s accomplishments. I call this practice “relationship materialism”. In the same way a shallow guy will show off his hot new car, hot new stereo, a girl will boast about her boyfriend, his accomplishments, etc. I.e., he’s the shiny new car or hot stereo. Just a shallow, materialistic status symbol.
There are some people that are what I refer to as “serial daters”. They’ve always got a boyfriend or girlfriend, and by the time one relationship is winding down, they’ve got another one lined up. They don’t know how to exist without the validation of having someone in their lives. I find that that type of person can often have parts of the personality “stunted”, since a part of you never grows when you’re constantly in the presence of someone.
There are some relationships in friends that I’ve seen that are very dysfunctional. One person has all the power, and all the influence. Not even necessarily because they took that power, but because the other person gave it of their own free will. How did they give it? They are so desperate to stay in a relationship and so scared of being alone, they’ll do anything and put up with anything in order to stay in it, even in dangerous situations (such as mental/physical abuse, risky drug use [i.e. IV drug usage by their partner], rampant cheating). They alter whatever of themselves is required to alter, give into any demand.
For situations such as those, you can easily see why I’m not a big fan of relationships. But that’s neither here nor there.
And now, back to the sluts.
When I mention the term "slut", I'm sure many people can conjure up several different definitions. For some, such as me, it's the kind of girl you want to get a drink with, and it’s a very positive term. It’s also something to call your lover in the throws of passion.
Some don’t see it that way. For some guys, for instance, a slut is a girl that won't fuck them, and doesn’t have the common courtesy to not fuck anyone else. For some women, a slut is a lower form of human female despised for their promiscuity and for fucking their boyfriends better than they could.
So please indulge me while I give you a sense of what I consider a slut. A slut is a girl with a strong sense of her sexuality. Whether she wants to be tied up and whipped or she wants to fuck a guy in the ass with a strap-on. Whether she fucks men or women or both, a slut has a good sense of her sexual identity, and/or is exploring to get a better sense of that identity. She engages in the sexual realm because it pleases her, and not just because it pleases her boyfriend, fuck buddy, or (as is all too common) to artificially and temporarily raise her self esteem.
I like that strong sense of sexual self, I find it very compelling. When I’m with a girl, I want her to be as excited at the prospect of what we’re doing as I am. She’s not afraid to explore, and neither am I. There’s something very attractive to that prospect.
Perhaps there will be a point in my life where I'll find someone and be in a place where I'll want to be with them exclusively. But for now, I have much more fun with sluts.