2003-02-12 20:30:10 ET

I should try to keep writing.

I always do this to myself - write nonstop for a week or so, and then have a break that's sometimes a day, sometimes a week long.

then I'll just pick it up again.

and I don't think that's "healthy."

Tonight I saw a short film by a sophmore here at school,
(it was good. I've seen a lot worse, story-wise, but I've seen a lot better, production-wise)

and at the end, the audience called for a speech, and he stood in front of everyone and cried, and even said
"we're making films. We're living the dream."

and it just makes me realize how cynical I've become when I can't even understand why someone could get that emotional about the piece of "art" they just made, and how much effort they put into something.

I'm producing a film this semester, that is a 16 minute long music video, made up of 12 short films, each with it's own director and it's own story...
I've been working on it for over a year now...
I've put my heart and soul into it...
but I don't think I could cry because of it.

I don't think I'd even think of saying I was "living the dream" because there's so much life ahead of me, and so much better I could do.
I'm wasting so much of my own time and money on something that probably won't even get me a job, cause I can't show it to anyone, cause I don't have the rights to any of this...

now I'm babbling.
see? this is what I'm saying.
this is where my writing should come from.

or maybe just my cynicism. I often hear about writers being praised for their "biting cynicism" or wit.
I don't think I have either.
my cynicism is more like a blunt tool than a bite.

I really should be sleeping.

is this BLOGing? goddam.

I fall in love with folk music so easily. it's kinda funny.

2003-02-12 20:43:17 ET

good luck on the film, seems really cool

2003-02-12 23:03:31 ET

I think his dreams lay in having a beginning as opposed to being at the end.

2003-02-13 04:07:24 ET

who's dreams?

2003-02-13 16:34:25 ET

The guy who made the movie.

2003-02-13 18:57:00 ET

I can hear you.

my dreams lie somewhere in the middle.
that's where I cry.

2003-02-13 18:59:31 ET

Why cry?

2003-02-14 04:57:28 ET

No, I was just being sarcastic.
Don't worry about it.

2003-02-14 08:20:20 ET

Rudey.. you goob.

2003-02-14 23:04:27 ET

what is this.... goob?

2003-02-16 18:41:03 ET

It's a compliment.

2003-02-16 19:59:42 ET

well allright, then.

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