2003-02-12 20:30:10 ET|
I should try to keep writing.
I always do this to myself - write nonstop for a week or so, and then have a break that's sometimes a day, sometimes a week long.
then I'll just pick it up again.
and I don't think that's "healthy."
Tonight I saw a short film by a sophmore here at school,
(it was good. I've seen a lot worse, story-wise, but I've seen a lot better, production-wise)
and at the end, the audience called for a speech, and he stood in front of everyone and cried, and even said
"we're making films. We're living the dream."
and it just makes me realize how cynical I've become when I can't even understand why someone could get that emotional about the piece of "art" they just made, and how much effort they put into something.
I'm producing a film this semester, that is a 16 minute long music video, made up of 12 short films, each with it's own director and it's own story...
I've been working on it for over a year now...
I've put my heart and soul into it...
but I don't think I could cry because of it.
I don't think I'd even think of saying I was "living the dream" because there's so much life ahead of me, and so much better I could do.
I'm wasting so much of my own time and money on something that probably won't even get me a job, cause I can't show it to anyone, cause I don't have the rights to any of this...
now I'm babbling.
see? this is what I'm saying.
this is where my writing should come from.
or maybe just my cynicism. I often hear about writers being praised for their "biting cynicism" or wit.
I don't think I have either.
my cynicism is more like a blunt tool than a bite.
I really should be sleeping.
is this BLOGing? goddam.
I fall in love with folk music so easily. it's kinda funny.