2004-01-03 05:28:32 ET

I wish, I could say what's on my mind and not step on eggshells anymore.
I want, to go someplace, and know, that there isn't some bit of circumstance around the corner.
I wish, I could drink and laugh with my sister, at least one more time.
I want, to go without sleep and not have to worry about being tired at work.
I wish, I never missed a day of their lives.
I want, to breathe fresh air.
I wish, it was the road, a good friend and me with no possibility of stopping for some time.
I want, to be for sure i'm not in this alone.
I feel, like a nervous wreck.
I wish, I could scream.
I want, to accomplish something before it's too late.
I wish, I could get off of my doubtful ass and do it.
I want, to know what is going on.
I wish, I had never been down this road.
I feel, guilty for nothing.
I want, to know. just to know.
I wish, I could stop feeling sorry for myself, there is definatly people worse off than I am.
I wish, I had never met 10 of the people who turned my life into a never-ending circular motion.

I want, to know why, and how.
I want, to take a wrong turn, and not know anyone in my path.
I want, almost everything I don't have.

I need, my own guidance.
I need, to realize.

2004-01-03 12:23:57 ET

There have been many times in my life that I have felt this way. In my case it was the lack of control. The loss of emotion. The end of a relationship that had drained everything that I had in my body. I set out on a new journey...and found myself in the same situation. Longing for control with little to no guidance. So I find myself in similar emotions as you...and yet...completely different ends. All shall be well...

2004-01-04 01:34:24 ET

it always is

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