_junior caldera_the way_
_junior caldera_sleeping satellite_
_groove armada_paper romance_
_groove armada_i won't kneel_
original background photo taken by bonacheladas
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| turbo creeping up... | ||
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____turbo_lars b amble_downtown waterfront boy_seattle_ _junior caldera_the way_ _junior caldera_sleeping satellite_ _groove armada_paper romance_ _groove armada_i won't kneel_ original background photo taken by bonacheladas |
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| i have no idea what movie this is parodying | ||
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2010-03-12 09:43:11 ET but its hilarious nonetheless. and why does this song lyrically remind me so much of a morrissey song?
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| the internet is fucking silly, and no vnv nation still didn't cover 'paint it black'. ever. | ||
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2010-03-10 09:47:43 ET please don't let this distract from the below entry directing to another entry, though i suppose it is loosely in the same vein as that one. anyway, sunday early morning at roughly the same time i am typing up this entry i downloaded an album by a musician i'd never heard of before on a whim:  in case you don't feel like deciphering the wonderful bit of typographical artwork that is the album cover, the title of the album is "individual" and the musician's name is marko zavala. since sunday i've been listening to this album in more heavy rotation on my ipod than anything else i've recently downloaded - it's an absolutely excellent, beautiful, and well composed piece of music and i highly recommend grabbing it as it's probably by far the best random-i've-never-heard-of-this-but-let's-have-a-listen album i've picked up this year so far. there's only one problem if you're as OCD as i am and you do decide to download this, which brings me to the reason for subject line of this entry (and why you'll thank me for posting this if you do get this cd): every single place i have found to download this album from online (including beatport and itunes) has the tracks listed out of album order and inexplicably in alphabetical order instead. how can i be so sure? well, upon listening to the album a couple times initially i felt something was slightly amiss. the album, while borrowing elements of several styles of music, is essentially progressive house. those of you who know anything about progressive-anything music know that stuff like this is lengthy, tends to borrow from multiple styles of music as mentioned, and albums are often composed more like symphonies with each track or song serving as a mere movement or part of the whole rather than simply a grouping of stand-alone songs; this album is no exception. and it's very well done and the scope is breathtaking so far as progressive music goes. anyway, i noticed on about the 2nd listen through that (due to the album being so well composed) the tracks definitely flowed together well even in their initial state of disarray, but that certain recurring elements here and there just seemed out of place and as if they ought to be ordered and lined up slightly differently. that's when i looked at the track list very closely. alphabetically ordered. now i was giving the download site the benefit of the doubt but i immediately became skeptical, as i've never seen an actual album with alphabetically ordered song names such as these; what i have seen is plenty of tards on the internet who toss albums up for download with the tracks improperly ordered, oft times alphabetically as its the default sorting mode for most operating systems. i called my friend matt who has internet access at his home (which i don't) and asked him to google the album to see if he could find a different (and potentially correct) tracklisting, but he couldn't. i still remained skeptical. the way the album was laid out the more i listened to it, and the suspicious alphabetical listing of the tracks just wasn't sitting right with me. i finally got to the magical world that is the internet again for myself, and googled it myself. this is where i had a 'wow people on the internet are special' moment. as stated previously, every fucking place i can find to download this album from so far online has the tracks listed and downloadable in alphabetical order. but, being a dj who knows my music and knowing how quickly and impressively stupid travels on the internet, particularly in terms of music downloads (ie: for those of you who still haven't figured it out, vnv nation did not do the SFL or the doug laurent covers of "paint it black" even though 95+% of the clueless internet would have you believing otherwise), i remained skeptical. i did a google image search for the album's LP artwork (where i found that nifty cover image i just posted) AHA! I KNEW IT! i found not only the cover image, but the official back cover image on a music release website:  are those track names in alphabetical order? i think not! i knew i was right about this! just knew it! and now i had solved my conundrum! or so i thought. only one slight problem. there are 10 tracks listed on the back cover; the actual album i downloaded (the same as it is available everywhere else) has 11 tracks: those listed in the above image as well as an additional track entitled "strange issues". WHAT A REMARKABLY IRONIC NAME FOR YOUR MYSTERIOUS 11TH AND UNLISTED TRACK TO BE TITLED, MISTER ZAVALA! especially since your fuckin album seems to be surrounded by a whole lot of strange issues on the internet! are you mocking me for having such strange issues trying to piece your beautiful puzzle together!? dammit. dammit all. so i simply reserved it in my head that 'strange issues' must be the bonus track and reordered the rest of the ten tracks before it as listed in this image. and boy was i fucking right about the order of the tracks; what was already an awesomely composed album was now an awesomely composed, flowing, and much more cohesive piece of epic than it even was before. the tracks made much more sense sonically and transitionally now than they did before, and the whole piece sounded more cohesive (like it was supposed to) in all the transitional areas that didn't quite add up before. all the areas except for one glaring area. that damn 'strange issues' track. so now that i'm heading into wednesday and having listened to the album multiple times more it finally hit me tonight when noticing the transition between two tracks still seeming slightly jarring compared to the rest, that that spot is where 'strange issues' belongs as opposed to it being the bonus track. so i put it there. listened. and yeah, i was right. FUCK YOU INTERNET. FUCK YOU HARD AND LONG AND SIDEWAYS. i probably could have just messaged marko on myspace and been like 'homie, what the fuck is up with your tracks being listed all willie nillie all over the internet and can you please fix this for me kthx?' but what fun is that when i could drive myself crazy figuring it out myself instead. anyway, in conclusion: individual by marko zavala is a positively breathtaking debut album that was stunning on first listen out of order and now that i've figured out the order that the tracks actually belong in is truly one of the most beautiful, enjoyable, and moving pieces of music i have heard this year so far. i highly recommend downloading it cause this guy needs the exposure, but if you do, do yourself a huge favor before bothering listening to it, and refer to this entry for the CORRECT track order which, unless the record label which seemingly doesn't care enough to do so actually fixes this situation, will probably not be the order that the tracks are listed in when you download the album. the correct track listing for marko zavala - individual is as follows:
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| check it | |
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2010-03-10 05:30:21 ET |
| bangin choonz | ||
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2010-03-06 09:47:22 ET music i acquired this past week:             deodorant i acquired this morning: 
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| life | ||
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2010-02-28 11:12:21 ET i'm exhausted. went out dancing earlier...now i'm waiting at her place for her to get home from work in about a half hour or less. a friend of mine told me on new years that whatever healing period i'm currently going through would culminate around the end of february. well, that's today, and with how bouncing around my head has been for the past few days, all i can say is i hope i don't explode. i do feel like i'm actually in a safe place with someone who actually cares about me and i've been spending quite a lot of time here lately...it's taking a lot of adjusting to on my part, but it's necessary and good, despite my internal disconnectedness. i feel loved, loving, and like things are going...somewhere. and that somewhere is actually positive. the other day while taking a shower together, i nearly fainted. i felt like i blacked (or at least greyed) out for a moment hardcore and started freaking out pretty badly. she actually helped me. no one else has ever truly helped me in moments like that besides EMTs before in my life. apparently i'm having some internal issues continuing to adjust to all of this, coupled with money stresses (the art institute i transferred from has decided i owe them 4 grand for a quarter i didn't even start and it's keeping me from registering for classes next quarter here as a result...huzzah) and just all the changes my life has been going through since this year started...particularly since meeting kristin. but...i feel safe here. i'm starting to feel more and more like i can be myself around someone, and since the other day even my most severe moments don't scare her away. i've really been treated like shit by a lot of people in my life - a realization i always felt but one that is suddenly hitting me very, very, very hard in a much more real way than i've ever felt it before. anyway...i figured i'd type up something rambly about current goings-on while i'm totally delirious and waiting for her to be here and whatever the rest of the day will bring with it...so there you have it. i'm exhausted, i'm mentally disconnected, but i'm holding together, and am continuing to grow closer to someone who is completely unlike anyone i've ever been this close to, who i care for tremendously and think is absolutely amazingly beautiful in every way, and who actually cares for me to an extent that absolutely no one in my life in this position, at least in a very very long time, truly has. i'm exhausted but i truly have a place to rest that is much more than just a physical place...even the mere feeling of my head resting on her chest is enough to slowly dissolve all the hurt i've been through over the past decade, and make me wonder where this feeling has been through so long and for all that i've suffered through. whatever is going on between us is very real beauty. i only hope i keep living to keep seeing it grow. and not go too crazy adjusting to such a good thing after all i've gone through. i've finally found shelter from the storm in my head, no matter how much it continues to persist...and i can't wait to fall asleep next to her again this morning.
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| "we live for the experience" | ||
2010-02-12 03:04:34 ET  
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| groove armada - black light | ||
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2010-02-10 03:00:08 ET haven't been able to stop listening to this album for the past few weeks. on that note, i changed my sk playlist up there^ to two songs off of this album, as well as 2 others from junior caldera's album 'debut' that was probably in heaviest rotation on my ipod before i grabbed the aforementioned new groove armada album. i downloaded a couple other things recently that i've been meaning to listen to as well...if i can manage to tear myself away from 'black light' for a bit, i may actually get around to doing that. click the speaker icons and set youtube's resolution to 480p - then go and get these LPs. they're both excellent.
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| decided to pop online and type up an update | ||
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2010-02-09 02:37:12 ET but exactly what all to say or where to begin is eluding me at the moment... i've been spending time very consistently with the person i mentioned in this entry and really have been cutting back on how much time i spend on the internet. on that note, since i don't want to sit in front of the computer too much longer as i type this up, i think i'll try to keep this entry brief (ten bucks says it'll turn into aramble-fest anyway) while still conveying a bit of goings-on with me...for anyone interested... there's not a lot i can put into words at the moment. my head is floaty and it's as though my life, my soul, my entire being are starting a transition into very, very, very new territory for me. i feel somewhat disconnected but i'm starting to feel safe in this feeling...like it could actually be leading somewhere that won't be quite so disconnected. this woman (i hope to have a picture posted soon) is quite truly the most beautiful person i've ever become this close to. and i'm realizing again how long it takes and how sometimes difficult it is for me to adjust to a good thing in my life. this situation is very very new. i don't even want to say too much about it because words just fail entirely, and that's most of the beauty in it. there is patience where i have been lacking patience, love where i have been lacking love, kindness where i have been lacking kindness, and what's more she continuously misses and wants to keep spending time with me. many things i am not used to...all of them so staggeringly beautiful that i'm not running away this time. i've spent the past 3 weeks in great deal of internal transition, baby stepping, keeping odd sleep hours, sleeping more than i have in a very long time; curled up next to this beautiful person at that, and being shown, seeing, and feeling things with another person that i truly never have before. my only issue seems to be that while some people become bitten twice shy, i am more like stabbed 50 times terrified. but what i feel for, from, and with kristin transcends everything i have ever experienced before and is an absolute refuge and slow but very steady healing process...what i feel starting in my life after meeting her is something i can't even put into words, but is definitely something that's been years overdue for me. we spent time today walking around seattle...i am nothing but continuously amazed by her. my mind is still getting used to this being reality. i have the sort of refuge in someone that i've never had before in my life. i'm overcoming things slowly that i never have. and all i can think about is how i can't wait to see her again tomorrow...and i know she thinks the same about me. she's seeing in me what no one else in her position ever has...it's taking a very long time for me to get used to... the past 3 weeks have been the most beautiful weeks of my life. i feel quiet, humbled, still scattered, and still absolutely terrified. but my feelings of fear seem to have finally met their match. someone thinks i'm beautiful. someone is looking me in the eyes and telling me things that i have only heard coming from my lips to others in the past, and this person is hearing the same from me. this is symbiosis. we've spent all of 2 or 3 days apart in the past two weeks and she only continues to be more inviting while i continue to open up slowly more and more. i don't know exactly where this is leading...and i don't even care, because every area where i would have run in the past, or been hurt, or woken up to someone cold or aloof next to me is simply not there with her. i have instead, despite all of the noise, chaos, and fears that still tend to well up in own subconscious, simply woken up next to a beautiful, loving, caring, soft, genuine, and very real person every day i have spent with her for the past few weeks. it makes my insides sparkle, my frozen heart melt, and my eyes really want to cry...but i will hold back those tears for when the time is right...and i know she will be there when that time comes. ...slowly taking one step after another...my petrified and frozen yet hopelessly loving soul is connecting with another in a way that i never have before... i am utterly amazed. i'm starting to wake up from what has felt like years' worth of hell and mistreatment. oh, and she actually makes me blush. no one else is ever able to do that. d-:
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2010-02-06 21:45:49 ET
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| working on a slight page redesign | |
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2010-01-29 20:53:23 ET in the meantime, some of the html on here (like the comments links) will be a bit wonky for a bit until i get around to finishing it. also, this is my theme song for the week. i woke up to it as my alarm clock this morning. i'm going to hang out with her again within the hour. i probably won't be on the internet much this weekend. i wouldn't have it any other way right now.
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