2002-08-17 08:41:29 ET

I guess i am feeling pretty disoriented.. and confused somewhat. i'm so depressed and i have no absolute reason why really. graham is coming back in two weeks! yay i miss him.. yesterday i went shopping with ass. it was great fun. i bought a nice big book.. "the Greatest horror stories" mm yummy. its so great
last night at work there was a huge flood.. the grease traps were blocked up and no one could get through so everyone was moping up the water and vaccuming it up.. it was so gross.. i was having panic attacks while iw orked... it was very scary.. i think that going on the medications would be a good idea.
god i miss graham..
whats this life for? really.

current music : Rammstein

2002-08-18 13:50:03 ET

hey..... ive got that book. scary stories.... oooooooooooohhh

2002-08-19 06:39:59 ET

kewl.. i read the first store.. H2, etc... that was a neat story.. man i've got so many books to read.

2002-08-19 07:18:08 ET

yay! go RAMMSTEIN your listening to one of my fav. bands

2002-08-19 19:03:37 ET

i love Rammstein! i got the translation to their songs and i thought it was amazingly awesome!

2002-08-19 19:07:59 ET

Rammstine si the greatest the translatiosn are great too

2002-08-19 19:09:29 ET

i love them.. theres just something about their music that runs through my body and its so amazing

2002-08-19 19:13:32 ET

they are i think single handedly the most original band not because of the fact that they sing in the language of their country but because they have a great stage performance and are just all around great people

2002-08-20 13:50:16 ET

i've never seem them perform live, or through any form of media.. i just love their music. .they are truly sensational , in my eyes and mind

2002-08-20 15:08:49 ET

have the LIVE AUS BERLIN dvd its great and you made a wise choice in listneing to RAMMSTEIN they are the greatest

2002-08-20 15:12:42 ET

thank you! *takes a bow* i love them what other bands do you like?

2002-08-20 15:17:22 ET

what genre?

2002-08-20 15:19:01 ET

industrial? metal?

2002-08-20 15:24:23 ET

mm industrial for me its Skinny Puppy and the Genitorturers, Metal its mostly Rammstein and Mudvayne

2002-08-20 15:27:55 ET

i am not a particular fan of muydvayne i'll tune into it when i'm having "one of those days" that i just want to feel so powerful.

2002-08-20 15:32:23 ET

i cant really say im into them i mean they are good btu not the greatest i listen to them whenim around my friend Jeff and thats it i guess bcause he puts me in that moood

2002-08-20 15:33:48 ET

lol kewl. what other bands do you like?

2002-08-20 15:38:17 ET

hmmm metal isnt my fav. genre besides Rammstein and Mudvayne thats about all the metal i listen to excpet like death Metal then its Cradle Of Filth and Samhain

2002-08-20 15:39:24 ET

I love cradle of filth.

you don't have to name metal bands.. you can name any bands that you like. i love many genres of music.

2002-08-20 16:36:07 ET

Cradle Of Filth is great

well in that case Anti-Flag,Remy Zero, Elvis Costello,Dieselboy, Diesel Boy, Darude, Floorfilla, Dj Gabber God, The white stripes, Metallica (pre-load), Dio, Queen, Thursday, etc. thats a little form every genre i like which is almost everything but rap and country

2002-08-20 18:35:29 ET

lol kewl. when we limit oursleves to ust one genre of music we miss out on a lot of things

2002-08-20 18:37:34 ET

yeah exactly why i never will limit myself

2002-08-21 06:59:49 ET

thats a great way to think about it.. a great state of mind really.

2002-08-21 12:22:01 ET

it is iam constantly open to any and everything

2002-08-21 19:11:37 ET

thats a good way to be.. so whats new? hows life?

2002-08-22 12:37:45 ET

not much is gon on looking for a car and a job,lifes ok its alot better lately

2002-08-23 05:41:22 ET

thats good. what goes up must go down, but that doesn't mean it won't go back up again. I found my dream car. it's beautiful! a 1963 Ford Thunderbird, baby blue with blue and white leathr interior, its even got a cd player! What kind of job are you looking for?

2002-08-23 14:21:21 ET

any kind really well except for grocery boy or fast food...bleh no food or grocery...i applied at a car wash to give out change muwahahaha

2002-08-24 09:43:25 ET

yay! i work aas a cashier in a fast food place. a very decent one at that. what about washing dishes?

2002-08-24 09:48:08 ET

i do enough dish washing at home...i applied at a laundromat

2002-08-24 09:52:13 ET

lol a laundromat would be kewl. at my sisters place there is a laundromat that has an arcade in it.. and the town is like 3 000 people

2002-08-24 09:56:41 ET

sweet...i think it ouwld be neat to work there

2002-08-24 10:09:02 ET

indeed it would! and they also owned a vaccum shop in the back.. whats your dream job?

2002-08-24 11:43:23 ET

my dream job...hmm...probably to have my own tatto and peircing parlor/headshop/skateshop...its na idea an dit owuld all be near the ocean

2002-08-24 17:04:09 ET

that would be awesome. i would love to be able to do peircings and tattoos.. but i cannot draw very well sadly. would you ever like to surf?

2002-08-24 17:21:54 ET

yeah ive surfed once and it was fun im ntot o good but hey as long as you have fun right

2002-08-26 05:24:37 ET

right. i've got this list of things that i have to do before i die. surfing is one of them. it would be great fun.. this is a long post..
this life is so odd. yet facinating..

2002-08-26 12:54:36 ET

its a very long post but hey its a great convo which makes me happy :)

2002-08-27 04:14:02 ET

yay! i love it when people are happy. its just so sad that a lot of the time i am not! thats soon all to change! what colours do you want in your bracelet? or should i just surprise you?

2002-08-27 12:39:36 ET

although i favor the cool colors iam partial to everythin else...so surprise me im nto happy alot to but its great when iam

2002-08-28 04:47:24 ET

i can do that for you.. all the colours and stuff
you see i've got a disorder which makes me really happy one minute and reallly depressed another. its called *enter theme music here* Cyclothymia Disorder.. its like Bipolar/Manic-Depressive.. i inherited it from my mother because she is a manic-depressive. bwah its not fun, because the doctor says i've got to go on the meds

2002-08-28 13:50:29 ET

i know i have some kind of mental problem ive just never been diagnosed

2002-08-28 14:55:11 ET

why not?

2002-08-28 17:15:21 ET

never went to any kind of counseling long enough

2002-08-29 15:52:45 ET

thats understandable. i was put into the hospital and in five minutes they diagnosed me. it was weird

2002-08-29 15:52:51 ET

2002-08-29 17:30:43 ET

that is very weird

2002-08-30 07:18:48 ET

yes it is. maybe it was an easy diagnosis? i am not sure.. just the thought of people poking me with question regarding my mental health sometimes freak me out especially when you are half naked

2002-08-30 08:11:52 ET

it was probably an easy diagnosis....bleh i hate people asking me bout my mental helath or telling me i need help...i just tell em i dont want it or i got it or im too poor to get it....or just say tough shit

2002-08-30 09:09:04 ET

lol theres some ideas on getting around that.
the only way you can help a person is if they want help. i think that diagnoses are stupid. i mean, its just a label. that doesn't make it real

2002-08-30 09:33:30 ET

true very very true

2002-08-31 03:22:08 ET

yah my sister helped me come to that realization..
fear is such a funny thing. why are we afraid of things? is it a lack of control? if so then why be afraid of what we cannot control? because its beyond our control duh. and if we fear what we cannot control then we fear life. and fearing life is not good. you can either be living or alive. bwah

2002-08-31 08:41:36 ET

very interesting...thats a great realization to come to

  Return to BrownEyedGirl's page