My entire being is being ripped apart...
2002-08-21 19:15:02 ET

So there you have it. I think i am dead. it would be a lot less painful then this. I wish my sister was close. i miss her, and i am so very frightened that i will never see her again. but i will do everything humanly possible to see her. i love her so much. i wish she was here right now. so i could listen to her sleep and push me off the bed. I know that she is somewhere under the same beautiful sky i am. Just in houston texas and not pickering.

My suffering has just gotten worse. its all building up inside. the power in which i have towards myself is scary. scary to know what i am capable of doing. let me out of this horrifying cage of anguish. let me be free. but then again. freedom is just a word.

2002-08-21 19:38:05 ET

oh right!
loved ones are a mess
and i dont wanna be cold or something, but sometimes you have to live!!
uh... maybe i dont know what tha fuck

2002-08-22 05:03:48 ET

i know i have to live. and to live is to suffer, to survive, well thats to find meaning in all the suffering. its just.. hard sometimes thats all

2002-08-23 19:53:00 ET

suffering is good in low quantities
life has a lot of stuff
illness: that's a pretty fuck up

2002-08-24 09:45:14 ET

yes its a very pretty fuck up. and they are finally deciding to put me on medication.
i like some of the stuff life has. it can be fun but some very sad

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