2004-06-25 14:47:37 ET

I am listening to Sigur Ros's "Vaka" and I feel something breaking inside of me... like that moment when you see something so beautiful that you need to cry but you can't so you are just left in this moment of feeling completely susceptible for the tears to stream from your eyes and everything that has ever been closed up inside of you is now bared and open... and it's terrifyingly reassuring that you can still feel... that you can still have moments when your heart can be penetrated by the most simplistic of events... and you are so ready for the walls to be shattered... for the reassuring hand of relief to come and usher you from so many sleepless nights and bring you into complete stillness with all the bitterness and all the anger and all the discontent.

But your tears have been dry for so long that the relief never comes and you just sit there wondering... wondering if you are still a human being... that you are still capable of having emotion because this feeling inside never comes out to the surface and you feel like you are merely a shadow... a grainy image of incomplete thought slowly disappearing.

2004-06-26 10:24:53 ET

That's certainly one of the cruel parts of life...isn't it?

2004-06-26 14:25:54 ET

It is... truly. There are times when I wish I would just cry and let it out but it never happens... so I just keep going hoping maybe I'll change.

I just have found that I cannot cry anymore.

2004-06-26 18:38:51 ET

Well whether this is good or just wait. Eventually, something will push you over the edge.

Me? I wish I could cry more when I wanted and needed to, instead of just during movies. Even Disney movies. If it wasn't for that, I'd think I was dry, too.

2004-06-27 00:06:16 ET

Sometimes I feel like I am only one who responds to songs on that sort of level...but then I come here.

2004-06-27 00:14:35 ET

Hahaha... Neko... the only Disney movie that ever got me was Monsters Inc. at the very end when the Big Blue Monster(i forgot his name) walks through the door and "Boo" says "kitty" and the look on his face. I thought I was going to start bawling... but then I remembered that I was a very heterosexual man... and bawling is a sign of weakness. (<---sarcasm)<BR>
bebe -- And you are always welcome to come here and see the furthering of my complete obsession with music... I am so easily changed by music that it scares me. If I listen to happy music I'm in a good mood... I listen to bittersweet stuff I think about ex's... I listen to angry music I get angry... and when I listen to Sigur Ros I just fall apart completely. But that's really cool that feel that connection with music.

2004-06-27 00:18:46 ET

Its strange hear ppl talking about wanting to cry.
I was always told to "Be a man" so now I always feel guilty when I cry.

Its both sad and funny.

I'm a girl.

2004-06-27 00:20:58 ET

Yeah... now don't get me wrong... I am a man.

I just have a lot of stuff pent up and Sigur Ros is getting it out of me.

And that is funny.

2004-06-27 00:25:39 ET

I am sure you are.

I don't think criing is bad. Its healthy for any one.

But I am kkinda bitter that my pearents made it wrong for me to express my self. I really do envy those who can do it with out feeling like they've wronged the world.

Songs make me cry more than far as things like that go...movies just don't touch me in the same way...nothing does like music,music brings out my soul,which makes it vonerable so nothing can really move me like it does.

2004-06-27 17:15:02 ET

*LAUGH!!! XD XD* I'm glad you were being sarcastic! XD

I guess I am sort of old fassioned...I want a man to be a man, but not in that steriotypical 'macho man' way...I suppose I just like the idea of being taken care of, when need be. But I'd never begrudge my man getting all misty eyed now and then, and sometimes movies are better at doing that than anything else. ^^'

And with your is a big passion of mine, but standing next to's like a little person staring down a tsunami about to bowl them over. I sort of just have to stand back and watch...

2004-07-05 17:38:25 ET

sigur ros is so amazing.
yes I definitely know the feeling that you described so accurately. Life is so strange and painful and beautiful at the same time its so hard to deal with it all, atleast for me.

2004-07-06 13:48:26 ET

bebe - yeah... not usually but i can see some films and feel all misty eyed like everytime i see Donnie Darko(which is almost once a month) when i see the mom leaning against the tree at the eyed raising her hand to the kid and Gretchen on the bike... or in 21 Grams when she's in her house crying after her husband and daughters have died. but other than those and Monsters Inc... it's tough to shed a tear. but with music it's gotta be with stuff liek Sigur Ros or Beethoven.

neko - darn... i'm too much of a wuss for you!! i swear in real life (not cyber-life) i'm so much tougher and more manly... and that tsunami is really me flexing. hahha... oh shit... i'm a dork.

terriblethings - oh yes they are... so amazing... their new album should be coming out sometime soon i've heard. when i feel like that i just have to sit in my room or go for a drive and listen to a really good CD... in the car it's Sigur Ros, Taking Back Sunday, Fall Out Boy, Story of the Year, or Matchbook Romance (not limited to these but mostly)... and when I in my room I turn on the ColdPlay DVD... then life doesn't seem so bad.

2004-07-09 12:33:50 ET

Josh, you're not a wuss, you spaz. ^^'

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