My Mourning Star
2004-09-08 19:35:12 ET

What about all the stories and the lies? Do you have anymore for me to fill up these senses failing and sit back waiting for me to rise flailing above the surface so I can breath wiping sweat thick as ink outfrom my eyes...

What about all the simple truths denied like a long list of rejection notices to the poor for loans that were never there with nothing to fill their empty sighs...

Easily corrupted and easily confused rarely pure lines you use are the placebo for the cure... empty the pockets of the weak and the willing to sell them a beginning... a check book of fake personas that allow for small changes to the one big lie that is your life...

What about... what about the seconds that gasp and grip your tongue... the words you stole and the lives you took demand more than sleepless nights and pages of regrets that could fill a book...

Driftless on the bottom rung of a staircase broken and cracked... what about then?

Will you repave your way to the top with laundered truth only to risk the fall farther to the bottom like before?

Like a hostage taken to the roof of his own abductor's saga of pain and misery except you've mistaken your role in this tragedy... what about when tomorrow comes? what then?

Take my advice and just take the end now... the closing credits and the exit door... don't drop the clean words from the dirty mouth and rip the hole you tore before...

But that would be too nice of an end even for you... an end to a pretty tale of a deceptive life on the edge... feet cautiously positioned with notice and care on your own shaky lies that mirror this ledge...

Just jump and make the leap... the big step into the open air... the fall from grace... just to make things fair... accepting all the cuts in the rope that ties you to me... Severing evey ounce of strength in my hands to hold on... to risk going down with you... I don't want to take the blame... I don't want to die this way...

I don't want... I don't need... I don't want to see...

So answer me this...

What then?

2004-09-12 08:04:50 ET

Is that a rhetorical question? *laughs gently*

And furthermore, are you ok?

2004-09-12 18:50:47 ET

Hahaha... everyone of them!!

and i'm getting there... but for other reasons than the ones in the poem.

2004-09-12 19:07:24 ET least you're getting there. ^^ Are you sure you're getting there, though, or are you just trying to make it all go away? Because I did that, and it's a bad idea. ^^'

2004-09-14 05:03:10 ET

Hahaha... well howabout a little of both?

It's a lot more than I can handle all at one time so I'm kind of dealing with it in "easy to swallow" portions. And yeah... it's still a little too much at times.

But what can you do? So is life.

2004-09-14 18:22:26 ET

Know what I think? I think that shrug it off attitude is one of the worst decisions that people make. I mean, not that I'm calling you down or anything, certainly not! ^^' I just wish people in general would make "allow" us to go through our pain, rather than demanding that we act all tough and say "no big deal." ...'Cause it is a big deal. Even the very "little" things. Big deals.

2004-09-15 09:02:33 ET

wondeful poem.

2004-09-15 20:56:39 ET

Neko... I know... I just need to be strong right now because the smallest sign of weakness could really mess everything up. My parents are constantly on me about it... My "friends" are nonexistent when I need them... and I'm now turning to people who I never thought I could trust before. It's just a very trying time in my life. And this poem is about me wanting to let go of myself... it's kind of ambiguous that way... makes you think I'm talking to another person but I'm really talking to myself.

terriblethings... Thank you very much!! I'm glad that you liked it... I took a lot of time on it while my others seemed to just flow from me without any thought... this one I sat down and really took time to form what I wanted to say and I really like it too.

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