2005-01-31 00:25:09 ET

I hate crushes.
I hate love.
I hate relationships.

I fucking hate this shit. And have you ever noticed that "this" and "shit" all use the same letters... that's called something like a palindrome or is that when it spells a word the sameway back and forth? I don't know... all I do know is that I am deeply enamored by my bestfriend of 2 and a half years who if I had a picture of I would post but I do not so yeah...

It sucks hardcore. Nothing new. Nothing Interesting.

This is just a nerd with a crush on the prettiest girl in English class kind of post. I hate it.

2005-01-31 08:50:43 ET

First off, you're hot. Second, a lot of girls like nerds. The "cool" guys are jackasses.

Third...do you know why you hate feeling like you do?

2005-01-31 14:48:17 ET

Hahahaha... you are great Neko. The hotness I will argue with you about though. I think if any positive classification should come about by my looks it is because I am "cute". I think you have to be over 6 feet to be considered "hot".

A lot of girls like the jackasses too. And I live in the armpit of Texas so the weather is just right for the "cool" guys to have all the luck with the ladies.

Yes... it's cuz I've never gotten away from having a crush on this girl. No matter who I date... who I am with... I always have her in the back of my mind and it pisses me off. She's my bestfriend... it just doesn't seem right. Like 2 and half years is plenty of time to stop having a stupid crush on a girl but for some reason my brain loves to remind me of how stupidity runs rampant in my heart. I don't even know how to have a "good" relationship. Ach...

2005-02-01 13:30:27 ET

Everyone argues when someone tells them that they're hot. If you don't argue, you're probably narcissistic. So now you're hot AND humble. If you wanted to be unattractive...you're just plain screwed now. ...No pun intended. XD
And trust me. You don't have to be over six feet to be hot. I knew a guy in high school, shorter than short, but also hotter than hot. He was a niiiiiiiiice piece of manflesh, hoo-yeah. Plus he was a drummer. Which reminds me that you're a musician too (don't jump in with an argument similar to "I'm not that good," or you'll just further the humility point I made above). Musicians are universally considered uber-hot. And whether or not you are a "good" musician doesn't generally matter - there is something almost universally appealing about a man who has a spirit of music about him. And I am totally not going out of my way to flatter you. You're hotter than you think you are, and chances are that a lot of girls have liked you, you just haven't let yourself see it.

...Trust me, none of the ladies that you want are interested in jackasses, unless you're an emotionally stunted asshole and you just want to get laid (no offence to them). But personally, I didn't get that vibe from you.

The crush/liking...I have been there, too, I think. I will tell you from my extended (and often unpleasant) personal experience and observation that the way you're going about "getting over it" is really probably not going to get you there. She's your best friend, so I'm assuming she's pretty cool. That said, what I would suggest is that you tell her. If you honestly have the intent of getting over it, you can tell her that at the time of your confession. I have found that attempting to suppress or expel an emotion through sheer force of will has un-erringly failed. Admittance and acceptance is the way to go, even though that probably seems contrary to common "logic." I adopted a theory over the years: if what you're doing isn't working, try something else. It's usually the opposite of what you have been trying, too.

But yeah...I told guys that I liked them with the face that I was telling them because I wanted to get past the feelings. And after I did that, things got better (unless I had let it go too far on my own, then things sort of blew up horribly...but again, I was never dealing with a "best friend" type). I still have the same problem though. I can't make a new guy friend without going through the "crush" phase, and what I have honestly learned that has never failed me since is that accepting the emotions allows them to dissolve, if that's what they're meant to do.

It's actually a concept I read in a very excellent Buddhist book: your emotions are not your enemies. Anger, sadness, and feelings that cause you pain are not to be pushed away, because they are not trying to hurt you. Rather, the book said, you should embrace them as though they were a small child, understanding that they are in pain just like you. You stop running from them and you start to understand that the feelings aren't the reason you are in pain, and things get better. Just being able to see a pattern in yourself and say "hello, habit energy," (the Buddhist's words, not mine) just being able to bring it to conscious attention and pick up on the pattern, is often enough to help you let it go, or to realize what the real problem is. (e.g. the problem isn't that you have feelings for your best friend, but rather it might be fear that those feelings could end your relationship, etc.)

...And by god, I am so done talking now.

2005-02-05 15:35:50 ET

you are NOT a nerd.

& I would give you relationship advice, but I suck at it.

I think you're smart & well rounded and what ever you choose to do, it will be the right thing.


2005-02-12 12:35:53 ET

I have added a picture of the girl that I have a crush on is on the front of the first gallery.

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