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2008-04-29 20:03:33 ET *My first ever. Well, I've got one this Friday which is more of a goth/alt fashion shoot, and one next week which is more of a "natural," lying-in-the-tall-grass, artsy kind of shoot, I suppose. I've thought about how it conflicts with my beliefs, etc., but I still would love to model. It's so strange how my disgust of my physical appearance/body has metamorphosed and developed into something else, something much more mixed and positive, I think. And I've thought about, like, won't I just feel horribly awkward and shy and inadequate and unlovely? But I want to do it. And then I'll actually have some pictures to post on MySpace - j/k. I don't believe in posting pictures of anything other than your cat. And I know that it's customary and makes a lot of sense to wear makeup for photo shoots, but I still don't really like it. I still feel like I'm giving up something of myself in wearing makeup - but isn't that the point of photo shoots and of artifice? And I wish they would just see me as I am. 'Cause I kind of like that I'm totally natural and have never really worn makeup. I know that whatever beauty I might have isn't added or enhanced by it. I have high ideas about everything and incredible self-doubt and lack of self-confidence, which maybe makes it kind of weird that I'm considering a shoot in the first place. Anyway, I'm having fun thinking about what outfits to wear for the fashion shoot. Wish me good luck, guys! *I wrote this two days ago. I feel a bit differently about it now. |
