2010-04-07 04:28:44 ET

Why are these terms all popping into my head at work?

Flipper penis.
Vag badger.

There will probably be more to come.

My Head.
2009-11-09 07:23:00 ET

You need to climb into my head one day
See what's in there
It's like an attic
Things strewn about
Chest trunks full of random memories
Cobwebs and a gentle breeze
And the smell of paper
That's my head

I have decided that...
2009-05-25 20:21:49 ET

I need women.
I need to get my head together.
I need to get my life together.
I need to write more.
I need lots and lots of women.
Also, I need money.
And a boat.
And an imagination.
And a pet goat.
That eats people.
And that can swim.
So that it can live on my boat and eat those people who I do not like.
The women and I will watch.

Guido Klingons.
2009-05-12 18:30:39 ET

Race Fumes
2009-05-12 17:03:43 ET

[21:45] Sergey: I've got something we can invest in!
[21:45] Sergey: http://www.racefumes.com/
[21:45] Sergey: It's RACE FUMES in a CAN!
[21:46] Sergey: Supposedly it's air captured at drag races and such.
[21:46] Sergey: They could totally branch out with this.
[21:46] Sergey: For example, they could hit every women's restroom there is, bottle the air, and release it as SCENT OF A WOMAN!
[21:46] Sergey: They can even get Pacino to promote!
[21:47] Mitch: Hahah, something about that doesnt seem right
[21:47] Mitch: Why not have other fumes as well
[21:47] Mitch: Mortuary Fumes!
[21:47] Mitch: Gas Chamber Fumes!
[21:48] Sergey: Yeah, man! They could totally personalize it! Now you can smell your favorite grandpa FOREVER!!!
[21:48] Mitch: Dangerous Levels of Carbon Monoxide Fumes!
[21:48] Sergey: They can steal that Spaceballs idea and sell bottled (and canned) air!
[21:48] Mitch: Which would be cheap to produce since it'd just be carbon monoxide in a can
[21:49] Mitch: And carbon monoxide is odorless
[21:49] Mitch: So you could just put normal air in there and nobody would know the difference
[21:49] Mitch: Except when they dont die and stuff
[21:50] Sergey: Yeah or just sell cans of compressed oxygen so that people will either get high or freeze their lungs or both!
[21:50] Sergey: I'd totally buy Teriyaki Beef Jerky Spray though if they made it.
[21:50] Sergey: I'd be huffing that shit day and night!

2009-04-26 10:18:15 ET


Presidential inauguration.
2009-01-20 07:20:08 ET

So my co-workers are all watching the Presidential inauguration and,
as I peer over their shoulders, I can't help but wish that Obama is
some sort of massive Star Wars fan boy. Then the entire theme of the
inauguration would be Star Wars. Bush would be dressed up as Darth
Vader. Cheney would be Emperor Palpatine. Obama would be dressed up as
Han Solo and his wife, Michelle, would be Leia. The head of the Secret
Service would be decked out in full Wookie regalia wearing a
ceremonial banner. The whole thing would be topped off by a band of
little people running around wearing nothing but body hugging fur

Bill Clinton would be Jar Jar.
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