my family is fucked up.
2004-01-01 19:34:03 ET

I just don't understand why people do the things they do...

My mothers' biological father, who left my Nana shortly after my mum was born, sent me a nice card for Christmas and a $20 bill. I'm not complaining, it's a nice gift, but I have only met this man once in my whole life. 7 months ago. I know this really shouldn't bother me so much but what am I supposed to think when my grandpa shows up, all of a sudden, seven months after my grandmother passes away? After meeting him he stayed at my sisters graduation party for maybe twenty minutes and went on his way.
I didn't think anything of it for a while but after he sent the card to me and finding out that he calls and corresponds with my mom quite a bit now too I can't help but feel a little angry. He ignored his own daughter, and his granddaughters for what reason? Who the hell knows?
I sat down to write a thank you note for the gift he sent and to let him know what is going on in my life(he was curious) but I can't seem to do it. That's complete bullshit that he thinks he can just ignore his family for 20+ years then ride his ugly yellow motorcycle right back into our lives. I'm angered but most of all I am saddened.

There are other things that drive my nuts about my mom's side of the family but we'll save that for another day. There's also huge drama on my dad's side of the family. One of my uncles won't speak to my grandma or one of his brothers for extremely stupid reasons. The holidays always remind of just how disfunctional my family is. But isn't everyones? [or so i like to believe]

Jeff bought a cute nighty at victoria's secret today. i think i'm going to put it on and climb into bed.

2004-01-02 04:59:21 ET

think of it like this... he probably realizes that he was a dick and he's missed out on a lot of things that he shouldn't have. he probably wants to make ammends before it's too late. your grandma's death probably made him realize this. people do stupid things for stupid reasons and he's probably kicking himself for missing out on all of those years... and maybe he didn't feel like he should be a part of your life after he had left, whether you had wanted him to or not... you never really know.

2004-01-03 19:27:43 ET

i think the hardest thing about it is that i want to know why. i don't know what to say to him and wanting to ask why is the only thing that comes to mind. i very well can't write a letter that says: ''hi, i'm fine. why'd you dissappear for so many years? sincerely, kim''

2004-01-04 19:17:29 ET

be like... YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY you sound pretty lady! do you want to go see air bud? YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! -special k

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