Lets give thanks
2004-11-29 01:15:39 ET

Ever cry your eyes out till they have bleed ? I alomst did today. I mean it's weird, I act likeI'm always happy on the outside but the inside I hurt. Sheena, called me thursday said she was un sure and went home with a guy name Don. I could be wrong but I don't care. She then turned around and said " now you know how it feels to have someone cheat on you.. " Know I could be crazy but when I cheated on her it was because she was saying shti behinde my back and told me two weeks earlier that she had checked out on me and wanted me just to dump her. For me it hurt because I felt tossed like like a used husk of a human for. So I took my anger out on her, but after cheating I felt bad and thought nobody deserved that. I was going to stop and not make her suffer. Yet, she found out and we talked and worked thing out. Yet her friends felt like being self rightous and put there noise into our bussiness. I think it was funny, cause while they stuck there noise into my bussiness they where fucking up there lives or being fucked over themselves. Yet I kept calm stuck out the storm. Yet before sheena moved away she said lets break up which hurt, I said do what you want. Yet she got me in troubel for telling her in confidence which she warped and told someone which got me in troubel again. She flew away an left me with out trying to stay and showed me yet again how important I was. So I felt mixed up because it felt like she could care less. Yet I stuck it out then again friend stuck there noise dug stuff up to get sheena pissed at me. Like a hip hop girl turned scenster who never knew half the bands on her fucking music list with out sheena showing her. You know who you are and I know you read this and don't think I didn't know it was you who told sheena about comments that people left me. Your luckey I don't tell you a couple of secrets that you don't know happend. Which brings me up to my next point, I have so much on her so called friend who talked shit and they aren't so perfect themselves. Yet i don't say anything. So after all this shit , I was feeling mixed more. I mean I know I love her but do I stand by and take it. So thursday after getting that call I want to hang myself and just die cause it hurt again. Then I get her friend who ansers the phone telling me not to bring her friend down cause she wants to party. Well hate to say this but she did it to me that morning and you have no right telling me that. I mean, this girl was trying to tell me she was so great and blah blah blah. Now, I don't know about you but when you cheat on your bf at the time because your in another state gives you no room to tell me I'm horriabel. Then after that she hurled comments about how ugly I'am fat and girlish. Sheena picked up and said hey I got to go party so talk to you later. So she ignored me and left me crying my eyes out and finally called said please talk later. Then friday got tickets to skinny pupp meet corey and Chris two cool kids. Got strep on saturday. Then sunday rolled around and Sheena finally talks to metelling me she likes the new guy. How guys are finally paying attention to her, how she likes it all. Telling me she wants a man and making me feel like I was her runner up. Which made me feel cheap even more. Just because I'm not perfect she falls out of love with me ?? It's just hurting and just all this feeling that I'm not perfect for people makes me like i deserve no love and should settel for people who take no care of themselves cause I don't look like the ideal man. Then I find out my cat got eaten alive today. I get kicked ot of skinny puppy for drinking with out a braclet walk down through downtown disney in the cold. Go to Chamber sat feeling crappy and just crap. So what the fuck should I'd be thankful for ?? that I was not killed ? cause it seems pretty nice about now with the suffering. Why can't people love the people for who they are ?? I feel shitty, I love you cloe. I hope it was not a painful death to be eaten by that dog.

Chloe 2003-2004
You said you hate my suffering, you take care of me. You'd always be there but where are you now ??

2004-11-29 04:23:44 ET

This is such a fuckin sad entry. Please, give things time. It seems like everything is up in the air right now. Maybe when things settle down they will be better. I hope everything will be ok, seriously.

2004-11-29 21:57:53 ET

thank you, and who are you if you don't mind me asking ??

2004-11-29 21:59:48 ET

Kristyn Bockover. I live in California. :)

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